


Breathing Underwater

by darktensh17



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Anal Sex, Angst, Blood, Blood As Lube, Brainwashing, Double Penetration, Finn Needs A Hug, Forced Masturbation, Forced Orgasm, Hurt/Comfort, Hux is Not Nice, Inappropriate Use of Lightsabers, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, M/M, Major Character Injury, Multi, Oral Sex, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Poe Dameron hurts so pretty, Poe Needs A Hug, Rough Sex, Sexual Slavery, Torture, Whipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-07-16 20:06:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 28,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7282897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darktensh17/pseuds/darktensh17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A year ago Poe and Finn were snatched by the First Order, who took everything they knew, including each other, and made them forget. Now Finn serves as Kylo and Hux's personal guard and Poe is their private concubine; neither realizes what they were before. The two are inexplicably drawn to each other, neither knowing why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Finn

**Author's Note:**

> Hello lovelies! I have a feeling a lot of people will recognize the title from [this prompt](http://tfa-kink.dreamwidth.org/3961.html?thread=8134009#cmt8134009) on the kink meme. Surprise! I was the turkey all along!
> 
> So many thanks and cookies to the wonderful Zoe_Dameron for beta'ing this for me! She's seriously the best

_ _

_Art by[Brenna-ivy](http://brenna-ivy.tumblr.com/)_

_\----_

_I'm the blade_  
_You're the knife_  
_I'm the weight_  
_You're the kite_

\----

FN-2187 tries not to flinch at the muffled sounds of pleasure and pain coming from the sealed doors behind him. He knows he should be used to this by now, but every time he hears Poe cry out he has to fight the strong urge to rush in, push the two men in there off of him and take him somewhere that they can both be safe.

He knows it’s just a whim; General Hux and Kylo Ren are commanding officers and Finn is their personal guard. Such actions would lead to reconditioning at best, and at worst straight out decommissioning.

If FN-2187 is honest with himself, and he does try to be, he has no idea where this strong protectiveness about Poe comes from. His memory only goes back less than a galactic standard year and he has spent as much time guarding General Hux and Kylo Ren as he has standing outside of this door, keeping watch as they satiated themselves on the man within. Sometimes he is permitted to enter, usually after a particularly cruel session when Poe is in need of medical attention.

For the longest time he didn’t even know who Poe was, he had no name or face to go with the voice that he could hear from within the room. FN-2187 thinks that maybe it was his first sight of Poe, lying semi-conscious on the bed and needing help, FN-2187’s help, that created his strong attachment to Poe.

If stormtroopers were permitted any form of attachment FN-2187 would pull Poe close and never let him go.

His thoughts return to his mostly blank memory and he wonders if his reason for reconditioning has to do with his current position. Was the reconditioning necessary to ensure he fulfilled his appointed position properly? FN-2187 suspects that whatever circumstances led him to recondition have something to do with the way Captain Phasma will often stare at him as though she is searching for something, or waiting for him to make one wrong move. What exactly that move is, FN-2187 isn’t sure.

She still treats him like any of his fellow troopers, but FN-2187 knows that she keeps a closer eye on him. FN-2187 does his best never to disappoint her, not after the first time he’d gone back for someone in a battle simulation and been severely reprimanded for it. He’s already been sent to reconditioning once after all, he doesn’t want to give his commanding officers a reason to send him there again.

There’s a ragged shout of pain from Poe that sends a surge of shock up FN-2187’s spine. He has to physically hold himself still to stop himself from breaking down the doors and beating down two of the most powerful men in the First Order. He likely wouldn’t get very far anyway; Kylo Ren is a Force user, and a powerful one at that. FN-2187 would be immobilized as soon as he stepped foot in the door.

Like a good soldier he remains where he is, though that doesn’t stop his thoughts from wandering.

If there is one thing FN-2187 is sure of it is this; Poe doesn’t deserve any of what is happening to him. Every interaction that FN-2187 has had with him makes him sure of that.

Poe is kind, too kind. Even when he’s been hurt and beaten after General Hux or Lord Ren have a bad day that kindness still shines through. On these days he manages to smile kindly at FN-2187 as the man comes in to check on him. FN-2187 doesn’t feel worthy of Poe’s kindness, he’s practically Poe’s jailer, and yet. . . he needs Poe’s smile. It’s as though he would wilt and die without access to Poe or his light.

Eventually the sounds within the room quiet and then cease altogether. Soon after, both General Hux and Kylo Ren emerge from the room looking cruelly satisfied and satiated. The two men still look as put together as always, but FN-2187 can feel their slimy satisfaction practically radiating off them in waves.

Lord Ren pushes past FN-2187 but General Hux stops before him, his sharp gaze unnerving as he stares down at FN-2187. “Ensure he is cleaned up and properly tended to, including a meal and any medical necessary.” There’s something in his tone that sets FN-2187 on edge, almost as though General Hux wants FN-2187 to see what they have done to Poe. This isn’t the first time FN-2187 has felt this suspicion.

Unnerved, he quickly salutes General Hux, keeping emotion out of his voice as he replies with a curt “Yes, sir.”

It’s a moment before the general leaves, during which it feels to FN-2187 like he is being studied. Thankful that his helmet covers his expression, he waits until General Hux finally leaves before slipping into the room. As he enters he makes sure to make enough noise that he doesn’t startle Poe, which he has done in the past. It doesn’t seem needed because the figure lying on the bed barely twitches at the sound of his approach.

When he steps beside the bed, the first thing FN-2187 sees is the blood on the sheets. Paling, his hands are already on his comlink calling for a medical droid to be sent to the room even before conscious thought kicks in.

Once that is done, he steps closer to the bed to carefully asses the damage. Poe’s chest and shoulders are a mess of bruises, bites and cuts (which look to have been made by nails). Most of the blood is from between his legs, which means that General Hux and Lord Ren took no care with him. Usually they are more careful with Poe, leaving only superficial damage.

FN-2187 suspects, and has noticed, that they are usually more cruel when there has been word of First Order losses due to attacks by the Resistance. Today’s actions may be a reflection of the success of the Resistance in taking down two First Order bases in the span of a few short days.

Swallowing nervously, FN-2187 carefully turns Poe over on to his side, wincing at the sight of his bruised cheeks and busted lips. He feels agonized when Poe’s eyes flutter open, because he would prefer if Poe was unconscious so that he has some relief from the pain he must be in.

“Oh. . .” Poe blinks blearily up at FN-2187, his warm brown eyes meeting FN-2187’s even through the thick Stormtrooper helmet. “Hi Finn.” Even his voice sounds injured, the words coming out rough and week, the bruises around his neck may have something to do with that.

The sound of the name elicits a feeling of familiarity and terror within FN-2187 and he doesn’t understand why. It is much safer to correct Poe, his confusion likely due to his current state. “My designation is FN-2187.” They’ve met and spoken before, but it has only ever been in brief moments like these. “I am here to ensure you are properly seen to.”

Poe looks confused, his brow furrowed adorably. “FN-2187. . .yes. . . I remember.” Shaking his head, Poe smiles at FN-2187 and it feels like a sunrise (which FN-2187 has never seen but read about.) “I like Finn better, it suits you. Can I call you that?”

“General Hux and Lord Ren would not approve.” The light in Poe’s eyes is dimming slightly and the smile is slipping from his face. “But you can call me Finn when we are in private.” FN-2187, newly dubbed Finn, assures Poe, pushing aside fear and focusing instead on the elation at having been given a name and not just a nickname like the others had. His own name!

Poe’s smile is back tenfold ever as he tries to push himself up, only to hiss in pain and fall back. Finn hurries to help him sit up again after arranging several pillows for him to lean against; he notes absently that they are more comfortable than the ones the Stormtroopers are allotted.

“Please don’t push yourself, you’re injured. A med droid will be arriving soon to help you.” Finn can’t help but fidget, there’s little he can do for Poe at the moment other than see that he is comfortable.

Grimacing, Poe nods, leaning his head back tiredly and closing his eyes. “I don’t think they’ll be able to do much but give me painkillers, but thank you.”

Poe looks worn down and Finn wants nothing more than to whisk Poe away from the First Order and to somewhere safe, but he knows that isn’t possible. There is nowhere safe from the First Order. Even more he knows that he shouldn’t be having any of these types of thoughts and he wonders if he shouldn’t submit himself for reconditioning again. He doesn’t want to do that, because it could mean losing his current post or worse, losing all memories of Poe. If no one is aware of these feelings, then it should be safe to continue having them. It’s not as though Finn will ever act on the urge to escape with Poe, particularly not when he’d need a pilot to fly them off the Finalizer.

There’s a beep at the door that signifies the med droid entering, and it’s accompanied by a First Order doctor, which surprises Finn because they usually only see to members of High Command. Poe must be of great importance to General Hux and Kylo Ren if they’re willing to go through such lengths to ensure his health, despite being the ones responsible for his current state.

The doctor pays no attention to Finn as he enters; he proceeds to examine Poe, asking him questions impersonally and examining him with cold efficiency. Once he is done he commands the medical droid to administer a pain killer, anti-biotic, and a sedative. Within seconds Poe is limp on the bed, breathing evened out in sleep.

It’s only then that the doctor turns to Finn. “We have administered medication to speed up the healing process, but he should not eat anything solid for a week; fortified broth and nothing more. He will still need time to heal; there will be no sexual activities until such a time as I determine he is well enough, lest he be damaged irreparably. Convey this to General Hux and Lord Ren.”

Finn can only nod as he memorizes the doctor’s orders. His heart is sinking in his chest as his mind informs him exactly why Poe needs to be on a liquid diet. “Yes sir.”

Message delivered, the doctor and the droid leave soon after. They’re gone as quickly as they arrived.

Finn is left alone with an unconscious Poe and the threat of punishment hanging over him. Neither General Hux nor Kylo Ren will take kindly to the doctor’s orders and Finn has no desire to face either of their wraths, particularly that of Kylo Ren. The mysterious scar on Finn’s back throbs as though in agreement.

Not wanting to wake Poe up but knowing that the position he is currently in will not be productive for a restful sleep, Finn shifts Poe carefully. Working around Poe, he works to strip the bloodstained sheets off the bed and replaces them with new ones; he doesn’t want Poe to have to wake up and see the blood and remember what happened. It’s not much but maybe it will be one little thing to make things a little easier for Poe.

It’s not easy to do but he manages without jostling the sleeping man too much, but Finn manages to get the bed stripped and made. If his gaze lingers on Poe as he goes about his task, well there’s no one around who will be able to tell.

Unsure what else he is to do, Finn takes up a spot beside the door to watch over Poe until he wakes. General Hux did give him instructions to tend to Poe, including seeing that he is fed which he cannot do until Poe is conscious again. This way Finn can at least insure that Poe doesn’t hurt himself in his sleep.

It is not a pleasant vigil. Every small sound of pain that Poe releases is a blaster bolt to Finn’s heart.


	2. Poe

\----

_They were right when they said_   
_We were breathing underwater_   
_Out of place all the time_   
_In a world that wasn't mine to take_

\----

Poe’s first memories are of an almost impossibly tall man in all black standing over him. He remembers seeing a gloved hand reaching for him and then the sensation of someone slipping inside his mind. There’s a vague recollection of the man speaking to him, gloating perhaps or explaining what’s about to happen to him. It’s all fuzzy when Poe tries to think on it.

No, what Poe really remembers from that encounter is the feeling of Kylo Ren in his mind reaching for something, and then pressing just so and with a mental snap causing Poe’s being to be flooded with a sense of purpose. In one moment he learns what he is to the First Order and just who it is he belongs to.

It is very soon after this that Poe is encouraged to demonstrate his abilities and loyalties and he does so with enthusiastic vigour. Whatever has been done to him, and he gets the sense that something has, there is no shame or doubt that this is something he knows how to do and do well. The eagerness may be false, but the sense that this may be wrong fades completely as he focuses on the swollen cock presented to him.

It takes him very little time to get Kylo Ren off using only his mouth, and Poe feels proud of himself for this accomplishment. He’s done well, he’s sure of it. When gloved fingers thread through his hair and Kylo Ren praises him, Poe practically purrs at the attention.

Sometimes Poe still finds himself eagerly trying to capture that moment again, he gives Hux and Ren his everything to earn their approval and to avoid their anger. As the months go by Poe sees less and less kindness and more cruelty.

Part of him believes that it’s his fault; he must have done something to upset them or hasn’t done enough to please him. Deep inside himself, in the part of Poe that sometimes whispers to him that this is all wrong, he delights in their anger because he knows that there’s a reason outside of himself for it. He knows very little about what the First Order does, knows only vaguely that they are at war, but when Hux and Ren are angry that little part of him whispers gleefully one word: _Resistance_

The word usually brings a sense of sadness and pain with it, and so Poe pushes it aside. Whatever the origins of it are, they don’t apply to Poe anymore. Poe is Hux and Ren’s concubine, it’s all he knows and so he ignores the voice that says ‘this is wrong,’ and bends over like the good boy he is, as eager as ever to please them.

The night they leave him so injured that he can barely sit for the next week is the night everything changes for Poe and it’s all because of one person.

He’s seen the stormtrooper following Hux and Ren around often. Hux had once indulged Poe’s curiosity and informed him that the stormtrooper FN-2187 was his and Ren’s personal guard. Poe didn’t understand why they needed a guard but he nodded and then spent the rest of the afternoon on all fours as Hux took him roughly from behind, telling Poe what a good pet he was.

Occasionally when Hux and Ren take things too far and leave Poe hurt enough that he needs medical attention, it is FN-2187 who comes in and ensures that he is seen to. Poe knows very little about the man other than that the sound of his voice is like a soothing balm to Poe’s nerves.

Tonight is a very bad night and Poe wants nothing more than to tell Hux and Ren to stop, it feels like they’re breaking him apart and he can’t handle it.

Perhaps it’s best that in the end he keeps his words bottled up, permitting himself only the occasional cry when the pain gets too bad.

After Hux and Ren leave, Poe is left on the bed feeling as though he’s been dragged through the halls of the Finalizer by his hair. Not that he’s ever seen much of the ship; he’s very rarely permitted to leave the quarters he’s housed in. Still, the pain running through his body is fresh and sharp, and Poe just wants to pass out and forget everything. When he hears someone come into the room he barely fights back the urge to hide, partially because he’s in too much pain to move.

Unexpectedly, a gentle hand carefully turns him over so that he’s lying on his side instead of his back. Poe opens his eyes wearily and looks up at the familiar stormtrooper mask and suddenly everything is alright. “Oh,” His voice cracks from overuse; he hadn’t been able to fight back his cries of pains as well as he’d hoped. “Hi Finn.”

Poe doesn’t realize what he’s said until FN-2187 corrects him, but when he thinks about it the name feels right. “I like Finn better, it suits you. Can I call you that?” His heart thumps a little harder in his chest when FN-2187, Finn, agrees.

After the conversation there’s a doctor and an examination followed soon after by blissful unconsciousness and deliverance from pain.

Only it isn’t the blissfully blank sleep he’s used to from being sedated. For the first time in a long time Poe dreams. His mind is filled with images that he’s never seen himself; images that feel so familiar and right.

_There’s a woman smiling down at him as he sits in her lap, his hands on the controls of something._

_He’s shouting commands, “Muran! Iolo! Break port!” and watching in horror as something explodes in front of him._

_Joy, he’s feeling so much joy at being reunited with someone. There’s another person’s arms around him, new but familiar and everything is right._

_Screaming a name over and over again even as the pain continues. Too much. Too much! He can’t do it. . .can’t remember why he’s fighting, who he’s fighting for. . . The name is there on the tip of his tongue, F-_

Poe wakes up with his own screams ringing in his ears. It takes him a moment to get his bearings but by then the dream is already fading and Poe is left with only a vague recollection of its importance.

“Hush now,” Poe startles at the voice, noticing only now that there is another person on the bed with him. Blinking back tears, Poe looks up into the face of Kylo Ren. The man’s expression is carefully guarded but there’s something there that Poe can’t read, something that has him tensing in fear.

Ren’s gloved hands are on his face, carefully wiping away the tears that have escaped. “It’s alright now, you’re safe.” The voice is gentler than it was the last time Poe had seen Ren, almost as gentle as the first time Poe remembers Ren. Briefly, Poe wonders how many days he’s been unconscious, but fights back the urge to ask; Ren answers anyway. “It’s been three days; we had to move you to the medical center to make sure you didn’t get worse.”

There’s an IV in his arm and Poe realizes that he feels weak and is hungry, his stomach cramping with the pain of it. When it gurgles Poe fights back a blush of shame, averting his eyes from Ren’s.

Ren doesn’t seem bothered by the sound, instead he commands someone to fetch some broth for Poe. Soon, Poe is carefully sipping the tasteless liquid down as Ren watches, encouraging him to go slow. When Poe is finished eating and given another examination before being declared well enough to return to his room, it is Ren that escorts him there personally, ensuring that he is comfortably settled into bed.

Poe wonders at that; neither Hux nor Ren has ever shown so much care for him since the first few months of his time with them. Ren’s behaviour is both refreshing and terrifying because it means that something has either scared them badly or made them really happy. Neither of these thoughts is particularly appealing to Poe, and Poe wonders where these bitter thoughts stem from.

Once again Ren picks up the thoughts from Poe’s mind, which should not surprise Poe anymore given that the man is a Force user. “General Hux and I have not been caring for you properly, we almost lost you.” Ren speaks to Poe as though he is talking about a favourite toy or pet; which is exactly what Poe is in many ways. “We’re going to let you rest up and heal; your duties will mostly be suspended.”

The words are meant to be kind but they cause a flash of panic from deep within Poe’s mind at the thought of having neither man touch him. There’s something ingrained within Poe that has him craving their touches, and not only because it’s the only contact Poe ever receives and is in many ways his lifeline.

Ren presses a tender kiss to his forehead at the sight of Poe’s panic. “We would never neglect you so; banish such thoughts from your mind. We know what you need and intercourse is not needed for us to touch you.”

As if to prove his words Ren begins to touch Poe in all the places that he and Hux are so familiar with. He pays particular attention to the back of Poe’s neck, which has always been so sensitive. Soon Poe finds himself panting with need, his body burning with desire and hunger for more. All too soon he finds himself with his mouth wrapped around Ren’s dick, sucking at it ravenously. The position is somewhat awkward; Poe can’t stand or move much so Ren has to move to stand at the side of the bed.

 _This is familiar and how it should be,_ his mind tells him, and the thoughts feel so foreign. _This is what you were made for._ Deep inside his mind, Poe wonders if this is even true.

When Ren comes with a grunt, fingers tangled gently into Poe’s hair, Poe drinks every drop of his seed eagerly much to Ren’s delight. “There, you see; we can still do things like this.” He pets Poe’s hair as he looks down at him with half-lidded eyes. “Now bring yourself off for me.”

Moaning, Poe does as he’s told, wrapping shaking hands around his throbbing erection and pumping it once, twice, three times before he’s coming with a sob, cum splattering onto the medical gown he is wearing. It’ll have to be changed later, but he’d prefer to be back in his own clothes.

“Yes, beautiful.” Ren murmurs in pleasure. “You were made for this.”

Afterward, Ren cleans him up and helps him change into a loose pair of pants and light shirt. “You will not be permitted to move around much, but Hux and I have agreed that we will allow you a small treat. As we cannot be here with you often enough while you heal, FN-2187 will be here to watch over and aid you.”

Poe blinks in surprise. “Isn’t he your personal guard?” Is there an ulterior motive to this? Are they testing Poe or maybe Finn? He wonders, quickly pushing the thought away lest Ren pick it up.

“On board the Finalizer there is no need for us to fear any attack. FN-2187 is loyal to the First Order and will ensure you have everything you need.” There’s something, anticipation or gloating in Ren’s voice, that Poe doesn’t understand. “You should rest now.” The words aren’t a suggestion, they’re a command, and Poe feels himself slipping into a more natural sleep than his previous drugged one. He wonders if he imagines Ren’s next words, “We shall how well the few days go.” Sinister words that make Poe’s blood run cold with fear until there is nothing but dark dreamless sleep.


	3. Finn

_\----_

_I'll wait_  
_Is this my life?_  
 _Am I breathing underwater?_

\----

Things change for Finn in the weeks following his new designation as Poe’s guard. Most of his day-to-day routine is the same: he sleeps with his squad, takes meals with them, and is still required to attend to his training. The noticeable difference is that instead of following after General Hux and Lord Ren, Finn spends most of his time standing outside the door to Poe’s rooms.

At first it’s mostly just dull, and leaves him feeling tired and bored. Soon things change because he’s not just standing guard. Poe won’t let him passively stand outside his door because as Finn quickly learns, Poe is a talker and does not like the quiet or to be left alone for too long. He easily starts conversations with Finn through the durasteel doors.

At one point Finn wonders just how often Ren and Hux were visiting Poe for him to be so dependent on human interaction. When Finn was acting as their bodyguard he could recall both Ren and Hux visiting Poe at least once a day either together or individually. Who knew how long the two men were in Poe’s room after Finn was off duty? To top it off, Finn is primarily General Hux’s bodyguard so he had little knowledge of where Lord Ren goes off to when he is away from General Hux.

Finn and Poe’s early interactions, if one can call them that with Poe doing all the talking, are nothing more than the occasional brief exchange. Poe can’t really leave the bed for the first few days and the distance of the bed from the door makes speaking difficult, not to mention his voice is still scratchy from the damage it received. Too much screaming, Finn’s mind supplies needlessly.

When Poe is cleared off forced bed rest and allowed to walk around short distances with aid and the promise not to overexert himself, Finn is there to supervise these walks along with a med droid. When he’s finally cleared of needing the droid, Poe convinces Finn to help him make nests of pillows around the room, including near the door.

“Even if you don’t want to talk back to me, it’s more comfortable for me to have somewhere to sit and talk your ear off.”

Behind his mask Finn finds himself smiling, something he often does while listening to Poe talk. He spends the rest of the day listening to Poe talk and even starts to talk back, although the life of a stormtrooper doesn’t give him much to add to the conversation. Poe doesn’t seem to mind at all.

Finn finds himself looking forward to and enjoying their daily conversations as they quickly become the highlight of his day. In truth, any time spent around Poe is like that because Poe’s presence is like the warming rays of the sun, or what Finn imagines they must feel like.

“Sometimes I feel like I belong somewhere else,” Poe says one day. It’s been almost a month since Finn was stationed as Poe’s guard and he’s used to Poe starting conversations with random thoughts. “I have these visions in my mind while I’m sleeping; scenes that feel more natural than anything here.” There’s something in Poe’s voice, pain or longing that has Finn leaning closer to the door, fighting back the urge to pull it open to go in and pull Poe into his arms and whisper that everything will be alright.

Poe continues, unaware of Finn’s inner turmoil. “I see flashes of a green planet with buildings clustered around an open area. There are people there that call to me. The little round orange and white astromech and the older matronly woman with the kind smile. Above all else though there’s the young woman that radiates the power of the Force and a young dark skinned man who feels so comforting; the two of them radiate so much love. In my dreams I know that they’re all there for me waiting for me to come to them.”

When Finn dreams he only ever sees Poe within his dreams, though sometimes he can hear a girl calling his name anxiously, trying to draw his attention toward her. Most of the time though, Finn sleeps and wakes without experiencing any dreams during the sleep cycle. That thought makes him inexplicably sad, almost like it means there’s nothing out there for him. Not wanting to dwell on it Finn focuses on Poe’s voice and lets it wash away his sorrow. No mater what Finn is feeling, Poe’s voice is always enough to calm and relax him.

-

Over the course of the next few weeks, Finn’s days remain the same until one day, two months after he was assigned as Poe’s guard, he’s called into Captain Phasma’s office. It’s completely out of the ordinary for any Stormtrooper to enter Phasma’s office and to come out the same as they entered. Feeling a sense of dread wash over him, Finn walks into the office and stands at attention in front of the desk.

“FN-2187 reporting.” He stands at attention, keeping his eyes on a point behind Phasma and he prays that she can’t see the way he is sweating from nervousness.

Even with her mask on, Finn can tell that Phasma is studying him intently and it makes him sweat nervously. “FN-2187.” The voice modulator doesn’t hide he note of disdain in her voice. “General Hux and Lord Ren have been pleased with your work guarding their pet.” Phasma says pet as though it were a bad taste in her mouth. “The two of them are required off the Finalizer for a number of weeks and they have requested that your duties be amended to include taking your charge on supervised daily walks. There will be approved areas for you to take him, including one of the work-out facilities in the wing he is stationed in. General Hux and Lord Ren were particular that their pet stays in peak condition while they are gone.”

Finn’s heart is beating too loudly in his chest and he hopes that Phasma cannot hear it; not only will he get the chance to interact with Poe more, but he’ll be able to see and even touch him! Something inside of him tells Finn to viciously clamp down on that excitement, lest someone were to pick up on it. Everyone knows that Lord Ren is some sort of Force User who can read minds.

Captain Phasma continues, mercifully unaware of Finn’s inner thoughts. “I have sent the information to your datapad.” At Finn’s nod, Captain Phasma stands up and walks over to stand before Finn. “I trust I do not have to warn you about what will happen if you fail to satisfy General Hux and Lord Ren’s wishes, or should anything unsavoury happen to their pet during these outings.”

“Yes Captain Phasma,” Finn says with a salute, wondering just what Captain Phasma means when she mentions unsavoury occurrences. Wisely, he does not ask.

There are several minutes where Captain Phasma says nothing, staring down at Finn in silence, searching for something. Finally, pleased with what she observes or doesn’t observe, she returns to her desk. “You are dismissed, FN-2187.”

Relieved, Finn hurries out of the office, trying not to appear too eager. He can’t wait to tell Poe the news; he knows the other man has been eager to do some exploring as he’s always bemoaning his isolation in his rooms. Even if their path will be limited it will to make Poe happy, and that thought alone is enough to bring a smile to Finn’s face. After all, Poe deserves all the happiness possible in the Galaxy.

-

Lord Ren and General Hux don’t leave until a few days after Captain Phasma calls Finn into her office. During those days they spend much of their time in Poe’s room, especially now that he’s healed enough to resume his usual duties, and Finn hates them both so much as he stands outside the door listening to the sounds they pull out of Poe.

They shouldn’t be allowed to touch Poe because Poe is. . . Poe is. . . the thought slips away before Finn has a chance to dwell on just what his mind is trying to tell him.

Whatever the thought was, Finn won’t admit to himself that the noises Poe makes causes his body to react in unsavoury ways. He doesn’t want to think about how he wants to be the one touching Poe because that makes him as bad as Lord Ren and General Hux.

It’s a relief when the two men finally leave the ship and things can go back to how they were before, with just Finn and Poe.

Predictably, Poe takes to his new freedom like a bird to wing, enjoying the walks with a look of wonder and curiosity that is so refreshing to Finn. It’s almost like Poe is experiencing many of the things he sees for the first time. Given that Finn doesn’t know where he grew up or what his education was, this is within the realm of possibility.

The workout room offers another freedom for Poe and presents a large problem for Finn because Poe has a gorgeous body and it looks delectable covered in a light sheen of sweat as he makes use of the equipment. Finn never knew it was possible to get so turned on, and he is suddenly infinitely glad for his armour. It doesn’t help Finn that Poe seems to be veryhandsy, always seeming to be reaching out to brush a hand against Fin in some way.

Finn loves every single one of those touches, even if they are slowly driving him insane.

The next two weeks pass by in the same manner, with Poe and Finn get closer and closer the more they talk and interact. Finn was already practically enamoured with Poe from their conversations through the door and the few glances he could get of him, and now Finn’s heart pounds every time he’s with Poe and he wonders if it could be the feeling described as love.

Being in love is sobering; Finn knows nothing would ever come of it and nothing between them is going to change. Finn is content with how things are; he doesn’t realize that Poe isn’t until he throws everything into chaos with just one sentence.

“I want to see what you look like.” Poe says, staring intently up at Finn’s helmet as though he can see the man behind it. The two of them are tucked into a small nook in the training room, a corner where Finn knows that no recording devices can see them.

Finn knows he shouldn’t, he wants to say no, that it’s against regulations, but he also wants to view Poe with his own eyes, not through the helmet’s visor. “Alright.”

Hesitantly he reaches up, unclasping the sides of his helmet and pulling it off before he can allow himself to think twice about the action. He doesn’t realize he’s closed his eyes until Poe’s soft exclamation of surprises startles them open.

For a moment there is silence between them, with Finn’s and Poe’s eyes meeting for the fist time without any barriers. Poe looks shocked and Finn has a moment of doubt where he wonders if he really is so ugly to look at? Hurriedly he moves to put his helmet back on only to have Poe grab his hand desperately to stop him.

“Don’t!”

Startled, Finn jerks as he stops and stares at Poe in opened mouth surprise at the exclamation.

Poe seems startled at himself, but also determined. Reaching up, he places both his hands on either side of Finn’s face. “I know you,” he whispers softly in wonder, his eyes shinning with tears. “You’re the man that’s in my dreams almost every night, the one whose voice I can never hear.” Poe’s voice shakes as he speaks and Finn can feel Poe’s hands trembling against his face.

That doesn’t seem possible, except . . . if Finn was reconditioned as he suspects, then it’s possible that maybe Poe was as well?

If that’s true than it explains so much; how Finn has always had the urge to protect Poe, the way Poe seemed so familiar with him and the name he gave him. Even Phasma’s warning to him before they began these outings, as though she expected something to happen between Finn and Poe. And then there are the dreams Poe describes to Finn: how Poe knows Finn’s face but has never seen it until just now.

The realization makes Finn wonder what their lives were like before the reconditioning. Just who were Poe and Finn and what did they mean to each other?

“Finn.” Poe’s saying his name pulls Finn out of his thoughts, usually when they’re out on their daily excursions Poe uses his designation or the much shortened ’87. The sound of his name seems different this time and Finn finds himself helpless at the sound of it, there’s just so much emotion behind the four letters.

When he looks back into Poe’s warm brown eyes Finn is lost. Gently, he reaches up with his right hand to cup Poe’s face, caressing his cheek tenderly before tilting it just so as he leans down to press his lips against Poe’s.

The universe alights around him and everything slots into place for one clear glorious moment.

This is so perfect.

So very right.


	4. Poe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Sunday another chapter (and many many more thanks to Zoe_Dameron for her diligent editing). Thank you everyone for your comments and kudos! It's always inspiring to know people like what I write =D

\----

_Is this my life?_   
_Ahhh_   
_Am I breathing underwater?_

\----

If there was ever such thing as a perfect world, then Poe is living it right now. The days following his and Finn’s kiss are spent in each other’s company walking around the deck Poe’s quarters are on.

“You’re on the Officer’s Deck, in the east wing.” Finn informs him while they’re talking about the ship. “Your quarters are the only ones in this wing, although there are several other rooms such as the workout room. I guess most of the wing is for leisure activities.”

Poe loves to learn all the things that Finn knows, but his favourite activity involved ducking into darkened corners or little alcoves away from the cameras. Finn knows where they all are, and they are able to sneak quick kisses and touches. Ren and Hux rarely kiss Poe, not like this; occasionally Lord Ren will press a kiss to his forehead when Poe has done particularly well. Once, Poe had craved those kisses. Now, he couldn’t care less because Finn’s kisses leave him dizzy with pleasure.

In the workout room, Finn helps him with hand to hand training. They are more handsy than is required and Poe loves every glorious moment of it. Finn’s touches, much like his kisses, are something Poe craves; they sear through Poe’s body in a way that Ren and Hux’s never have.

It’s ingrained into Poe’s being to crave touch, and it’s a thirst that only Ren and Hux were allowed to quench. Having Finn is able to make him feel full, complete without having to do more than press a kiss just so Poe’s lips, or slide a strong arm around his waist. Every one of Finn’s kisses and touches leaves Poe satisfied but also quivering and craving more.

When they aren’t out on their daily walks, Poe sits by the door to his room listening to Finn tell him all about his day, things he’s seen or experienced. While Poe usually likes talking, there isn’t much to tell Finn about his life, and he really doubts Finn wants to hear about the time Ren used the force to hold him in the air while he and Hux fucked Poe from both ends; Hux from behind and Ren taking his mouth. Poe learned early that mentioning what happens between himself, Ren, and Hux not only bothers Finn but makes him sad. The other man usually tries to pass it off but Poe can tell, Finn goes quiet and his eyes, when his helmet is off, go distant any time that Poe mentions them. So instead of talking he listens to Finn and when Poe does talk it’s usually about his dreams.

The dreams. . . since their kiss Poe has been experiencing them more often lately, but they’re all just scattered fragments of something. With every dream he wonders what his unconscious mind is trying to tell him. Finn thinks he gets them because they’ve both been reconditioned. When Poe asks what that is, Finn tells him and Poe can’t help but feel horrified at the thought that something like that may have been done to them. It does make Poe wonder just who they were before the reconditioning. Has he always been a concubine or was he something more before? Maybe he was even someone who was worth something.

Perhaps that’s why Poe dreams of flying more often than anything else.  
Maybe this is the reason on the day that they find the flight simulator that he is so insistent on being allowed to try it out. He doesn’t care about what the repercussions may be.

The day starts out normal: Poe and Finn are taking their usual walk when Finn pulls Poe into a tucked away corner, yanking his helmet off and crowding Poe against the door behind them, stealing his breath away with a kiss. Neither of them notice when the door beeps to grant them admission until Poe is falling back and it’s only Finn’s strong arms catching him that stop him from falling to the floor.

If Poe had to pick a favourite thing about Finn, it’s how much he loves Finn’s powerful arms, which can wrap around Poe so easily and hold him close. He feels safe and warm inside Finn’s arms.

“Kriff, Poe, are you alright?” Finn is holding Poe tight against his chest, and Poe takes a moment to wonder what it would feel like without the armour separating them, to feel their flesh practically touching all over.

While Finn’s armour is concealing, Poe’s own clothes leave very little to the imagination, consisting of loose pants that are easily removed, and a sheer shirt that can be undone by a series of ties at that back. Most of his clothes are made in this same style but in a variety of colours and patterns. There’s also a gold metal bikini hanging in his closet that Ren sometimes requests he wear; on the nights that he wears the bikini Ren visits him alone and tends to be more violent. Poe hates that particular article of clothing with a burning passion. He’s sure that there’s something about it that Ren must hate for him to be so brutal when he has Poe wear it.

“Poe?” Finn asks again, voice beginning to convey worry when Poe doesn’t respond right away.

Shaking his head mentally, Poe offers Finn what he hopes is a comforting smile. “I’m alright, just a little startled I guess.” Twisting around in Finn’s arms he looks around the room behind him. This room is new to him. “What’s that?” he asks, as he sees a large machine sitting in the center of the room, a screen displayed in front of it.

Finn glances over Poe’s shoulder, frowning. “That’s a flight simulator. . . I don’t think we’re supposed to be in this room.”

Poe’s excitement spikes and he’s wiggling out of Finn’s arms. “You said that any door room that’s unlocked is open to us, and this room was unlocked.”

“I don’t think it’s meant to be; someone must have forgotten to ensure it was locked when they left.” Finn’s reaching down to grab his helmet as he speaks. “We should leave and head to the workout room, Poe.”

Poe isn’t listening, instead he’s walking over to the machine, running his hands over it curiously before jumping into the seat. There’s a helmet hanging off the control stick and Poe grabs it, setting it on his head and taking a hold of the controls. They feel so natural in his hands. “How do I turn it on, Finn?”

He can hear Finn coming up on his right side, recognizing the distinct sound of his boots.

“You don’t turn it on; this is a bad idea Poe. We shouldn’t be here.” Poe can tell that Finn is nervous but in his own eagerness to try the simulator he ignores it.

Focusing on the simulator, Poe begins to press buttons in an attempt to turn things on, and eventually the program boots up with a hum. Grinning to himself, Poe works on understanding the controls, even reading through the in program instruction manual to get an idea of what to do. He can feel Finn hovering to the side of the simulator but he continues to ignore him.

Once he’s got a basic grasp of what he has to do, Poe launches the simulator, quickly scrolling through the options. “The First Order uses TIE fighters mainly in battle, right?”

Despite his obvious misgivings, Finn answers Poe. “Yes, although there are other ships used. A variety of TIEs such as the fighters, bombers and interceptors are the most common combat ships.”

Poe is silent for a moment, thoughtful. “Why are there ships such as A-Wings and B-Wings in here? Are they not the sorts of ships that the Resistance would use? It seems odd to allow anyone in the First Order to be able to pilot enemy ships.”

“It’s possible they were included to give the First Order pilots more practice.” Finn tells him thoughtfully. “Knowing your enemy is the first step to defeating them. I’m not a fighter pilot so I have limited knowledge. The pilots don’t associate with the ground crews so I can only guess at the reasons.”

Since Poe isn’t a soldier he can’t really argue Finn’s point, and it makes sense after all. Instead, he goes back to flipping through the ship options before stopping when his heart lurches at the sight of one of the ships. On the screen displayed in large letters is the ship’s description: T-70 X-WING.

With his blood pounding in his ears and his heart speeding up drastically, Poe presses the option to select the X-Wing for the simulation and then settles his hands on to the joystick.

When the simulation starts, Poe jerks in surprise as a series of asteroids suddenly appear in his vision and he almost crashes. Then, something seems to take hold of him, and he feels calmness flow through him; without having to think about it he begins navigating the obstacles with ease. When the enemy ships start shooting at him, Poe doesn’t even hesitate to return fire.

There is no thinking, only feeling.

Poe gets so caught up in the simulation that he doesn’t come back to reality until all the enemies are gone and the screen goes dark, only to light up with the words ‘NEW RECORD.’ Below it is Poe’s score and then the next high score, which is not even in the same league.

When it prompts him to enter his name, Poe feels himself ripping the simulation helmet off and rolling out of the chair. It’s a struggle to fight back the urge to retch because everything is all wrong. It’s so very, very wrong.

Finn’s arms come around him, holding him and keeping him on his feet. “Poe!” Poe’s name on Finn’s tongue is whispered with a sense of urgency but also a sense of wonder. “Are you alright? Do you need me to call the medroid?”

“No. . . no. I-I just need a minute.” Poe wills himself to stop shaking and to calm down.

He appreciates the fact that Finn allows him to gather himself together again before saying anything. When he does speak though, it’s with amazement. “Poe that was incredible, how did you do that?”

“I don’t know Finn. . . it felt natural, like something I was meant to do.” His voice cracks as he speaks and he turns to look up at Finn with wild eyes. "If I'm supposed to be a trained concubine, why does it feel so natural to fly?" Poe asks desperately, dropping his gaze down at the calluses on his hands. “You mentioned reconditioning before . . . just who were we Finn?”

Poe doesn’t fight when Finn holds him tighter, his voice more sober when he speaks. “I don’t know Poe, but I promise that I’ll find out.”

With Finn’s arms around him, Poe gives into the tears that he’s been holding back. Even knowing that something isn’t right hasn’t made him doubt his lot in life, not until now. Whoever he was before, he must have been quite the pilot to have gotten a score as high as he did on the simulator. If he was such a good pilot then why did Ren and Hux ground him? Had he done something to upset them?

“It’ll be alright Poe. We’ll figure out what’s going on.”

Poe listens to Finn’s words and his soothing voice, trying to relax. There’s a familiar itch under his skin, one that was placed there, and tonight there’s only going to be one way for Poe to calm down. “Finn. . .I . . .I need you to touch me, to make me feel good or I’m not going to be able to calm down.”

Finn pulls away enough to look at him in surprise, which quickly melts into nervousness and uncertainty. “Uh. . . t-t-to make you feel good?”

“Yes,” It’s easier to show Finn what he needs; the urges come so naturally to him, the ones that may not be so natural. Poe has never seen Finn out of his armour but has played with the clasps and buckles that keep the white pieces of plastoid held firmly in place. It’s easy to get the armour off and set it aside, leaving Finn in only his black body suit. “Finn, you’re so stunning, you shouldn’t have to cover up or hide yourself.”

Beneath his fingers Poe can feel Finn shaking, but he doesn’t fight Poe, instead taking Poe’s face between his hands and kissing Poe so tenderly. “No, Poe, you’re the one who is so gorgeous.”

Poe has never felt beautiful before. He knows he is attractive that is what keeps Ren and Hux interested in him after all, but it’s different hearing it from Finn. With Finn it means something. Poe tries to convey that and everything else he’s feeling into his touches as he guides Finn through what he needs from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Sunday will be the first of the two bonus chapters that weren't in the kink meme version, so look forward to that!


	5. Finn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about how late this is guys! I got called into work early and didn't get a chance to post it. So here it is late, your first bonus chapter!

\----

_I'm the blade_   
_You're the knife_   
_I'm the weight_   
_You're the kite_

\----

Poe is so incredibly beautiful and it sometimes physically pains Finn to look at him and know that he can never do anything but that. Finn would be lying if he says he’s never had dreams about being with Poe, of touching him and drawing out the pleasured gasps and moans that he’s heard Poe make while on guard outside his door.

Finn knows that the dreams are just that, dreams. He’s a lowly stormtrooper and no matter how much he and Poe kiss and exchange chaste touches, Poe belongs to General Hux and Lord Ren. Finn has accepted that and has learned to appreciate every moment that he and Poe can steal before it comes to its inevitable end.

What he’d never expected, even in his wildest dreams, are Poe’s words to him. “Finn. . .I . . . I need you to touch me, to make me feel good or I’m not going to be able to calm down.”

Words are difficult with the way Finn’s brain has come to a grinding halt. He stands there staring into Poe’s soulful brown eyes which are looking at him in such desperation. He knows that he needs to say something, at least. “Uh. . . t-t-to make you feel good?”

Poe’s entire being seems to sigh in relief when Finn speaks. “Yes.” He’s reaching up for the buckles that keep Finn’s armguards on, touching them but not quite daring to unbuckle them.

Finn’s still looking into Poe’s eyes, _Please_ , Poe begs through his eyes, and Finn can’t say no, can’t turn Poe away after he’s seen how bad what has happened has shaken him, can’t deny that he wants this just as badly as Poe does. He can’t manage words again, his tongue lying dry in his mouth. Instead, he nods his head in quiet agreement.

Oh! The brilliant smile Poe gives him is blinding and Finn watches in quiet wonder as Poe unbuckles the straps and lets the piece of armour fall off Finn’s right arm without care before moving on to the next piece. Finn’s done this himself hundreds of times but it’s never felt like this. Poe’s hands are smaller than Finn’s, his bones are more fine, and Finn wants nothing more than to kiss the tip of every one of them and pull them into his mouth to suck until Poe is quivering from it.

He’s not sure where that thought came from but it makes his breath hitch, especially as Poe finishes with the plastoid armour on his right arm and moves on to his left, stopping briefly to press a kiss to Finn’s jaw. Poe doesn’t seem to be in any hurry and it’s torture for Finn. Part of him knows that they shouldn’t be doing this, knows that if they get caught it will mean reconditioning or worse, but the rest of him wants to be free of the armour and to touch Poe without any barriers between them, to show Poe how much he loves him.

It’s why Finn doesn’t try to stop Poe from removing the clasps of his chest armour once he’d gotten Finn’s arms freed. He wants this so much.

He wants Poe, to be with Poe even if it’s only for this one day.

He’ll take whatever consequences may be thrown at him.

Neither of them speaks as Poe continues to strip off Finn’s armour, his gentle touch causing shivers to run down Finn’s spine. The chest armour is next, then the belt, and Finn stares at Poe as he slides gracefully down to his knees on the floor, hands running over Finn’s body suit in a way that causes goose bumps to rise on every inch of his skin.

The position Poe is in now is both submissive and sinfully tantalizing, Finn feels horrible for reacting to it, but Poe doesn’t seem to mind being on his knees as he frees Finn’s legs.

Soon – too soon? – Finn is left in only his boots and black body suit and Poe is looking up at him with such wonder that Finn wants to hide because he doesn’t deserve to be looked at like that.

When he tries to turn away Poe surges to his feet and places his hands on both sides of Finn’s face and turns Finn back toward him. “Finn, you’re so stunning, you shouldn’t have to cover up or hide yourself.”

The words aren’t right because Finn isn’t the beautiful one. “No, Poe, you’re the one who is so gorgeous.”

Poe chuckles at Finn’s words and Finn can see something dark pass over his face, before it’s gone and Poe is smiling again. “Let’s agree that we’re both attractive before we spend the day trying to out do how attracted we are to each other.”

Finn can get behind that even though he knows that Poe is the more stunning of the two of them. “Alright.”

Instead of worrying about it further, he wraps an arm around Poe’s waist and pulls him against his body. Without the armour they fit together perfectly, and not just physically; Poe belongs here in his arms like this. Finn’s known it since their kiss but like this everything falls into place perfectly.

His heart is beating wildly in his chest, telling him this one undeniable truth: Finn belongs to Poe just as Poe belongs to Finn. Everything else is irrelevant for the moment.

When they part both their breaths are laboured, it’s like their first kiss all over again but more intense.

“F-Finn. . .” Poe sounds like he’s about to break apart and Finn understands because he feels that way to.

Finn nods, and pulls Poe tight to him, burying his face in Poe’s hair. “I know Poe, I know.” Poe’s quivering with need in his arms. Carefully, Finn lowers him to the ground, leaning over him to trail kisses down his collar bone while his hands find the hem of Poe’s shirt. He pulls it off of Poe, tossing it to the side without any care.

He wants to kiss and touch every expanse of skin on Poe’s chest and so he does, and Poe allows him, encouraging Finn with little noises of pleasure, his hands clutched tightly on to Finn’s shoulder, touching his face, in his hair and then down again, pulling at Finn’s own shirt with desperation.

“F-Finn. . .” Poe’s voice hitches as he says Finn’s name and Finn pulls away only long enough to strip his own shirt off quickly and oh this is so much better skin to skin. Touching Poe is already intoxicating but this, having Poe touch him back, his fingers on Finn’s skin is like a small electric shock with every caress.

Moving up, Finn kisses his name on Poe’s lips. “You’re beautiful Poe, and I’m going to kiss every part of you to make sure you know it.” The words come out more confident than Finn feels. He’s aware of little more than the mechanics of sex, but at the same time he feels like he knows Poe’s body and what will bring him the most pleasure.

There’s a spot at the base of Poe’s neck that has him moaning so sweetly, sucking the pulse point on his wrist has him going boneless, and Finn’s favourite so far is how Poe absolutely comes undone when Finn just barely grazes his teeth over his dark nipples. It’s a wonder that Poe hasn’t come yet with how hard Finn can feel that he is. To be fair Finn is just as hard and Poe hasn’t even had to touch him very much.

He runs his hands down Poe’s chest slowly, delighting in Poe’s full body shudders. He settles them on his waist, just over the hem of his pants. “O-okay?” He asks feeling a measure of nervousness peak within him.

Poe nodes urgently, “Yes, please Finn, I need it.” His hips arch up enough for Finn to slowly pull the pants off and – surprise! – Poe doesn’t wear any undergarments, so his erection springs up proud and leaking before Finn’s eyes.

Finn wants nothing more than to lean down and lick it, so he does. Poe’s back arches off the floor and Finn watches as he shoves a hand in his mouth to cut off a shout of pleasure. Taking this all as a good sign, Finn runs his tongue over the head, tasting the salty precum and getting a feel for the shape of it. Without thinking, he wraps his lips around the head and sucks, feeling Poe jerk in reaction this time. Poe likes to have the head of his cock sucked, it’s something that Finn just knows, and he makes use of that knowledge with enthusiasm.

It’s obvious Poe is enjoying this, more than just enjoying it, and Finn is glad. From what he’s observed and the few times Poe has talked about his time with General Hux and Lord Ren, neither seem to care particularly about taking care of Poe’s needs and pleasure, and so Finn wants to take his time and make sure that Poe feels so good. He only wishes he could do more; Finn would give Poe the galaxy if he could.

If possible, Finn would be content to spend eternity between Poe’s legs, but Poe’s hands in his short hair pull to tug him off. “F-Finn!” The way Poe’s voice is low and husky from pleasure is beyond arousing. “Gunna come if you don’t stop!”

“What’s wrong with that?” Finn asks, relenting to Poe’s efforts to pull him off. “I want to make you come.”

Poe looks positively undone but he’s pouting at Finn at the same time, which is adorable. “I can’t cum unless you’re inside of me.”

The words make Finn inexplicably mad because this is something General Hux and Lord Ren have done to Poe; they control even how he can feel pleasure. Even someone as naïve about sex as Finn knows that this isn’t how it should be. He stops himself from saying anything, not wanting to upset Poe.

Instead of saying anything he nods and then pulls away to kiss Poe deeply until Poe breaks off the kiss to tug at Finn’s pants. “Take them off.”

Laughing, Finn pulls away and stands so that he can push off both his pants and briefs, fighting back blush as Poe watches him with hungry eyes. “You really are so gorgeous, Finn.”

His words succeed in making Finn blush harder as he finishes stripping and settles back between Poe’s spread legs.

“I um. . .I need something right? To stretch you and make it not hurt?”

Poe nods and reaches for his pants, digging around before pulling out a small vial. “Usually I don’t need much preparation but it’s been a few weeks so I you may need to work me open. . . you’re also much, um, thicker than I’m used to.” Poe seems more excited by that prospect than worried.

Finn is torn between being flattered at Poe’s compliment and also horrified because it means that General Hux and Lord Ren take Poe often enough that he’s essentially always open for them. “Tell me if I don’t do something right.” Finn instructs as he takes the vial and opens it up.

“I’m sure you’ll do fine, it’s not complicated. Stretch me with your fingers and I’ll tell you when I’m ready.” Poe grins at Finn, and he looks adorable with his flushed cheeks and half-lidded stare. “You’re going to do great, Finn.”

If only Finn felt as confident in himself as Poe was. Mostly, he didn’t want to hurt Poe. With hands that could usually hold a blaster steady and shoot targets with ease but who now seem to have developed a mind of their own, Finn somehow manages to pour some of the slick onto his fingers and he reaches down between Poe’s legs. Carefully, he runs his index finger between Poe’s cheeks, circling Poe’s entrance and watching as it twitches under his finger as Poe moans and drops his upper body back to the floor.

When he works up the nerve to push his finger into Poe, the sound Poe makes is obscenely erotic and goes straight to Finn’s dick. The sight and feel of his finger inside Poe isn’t helping and that urges him to take things a little quicker, because he’s not sure if he’ll last long enough to work Poe open for him at this rate.

Poe’s body loosens up so beautifully under his fingers; one becomes two, two becomes three, and soon Finn really isn’t doing much because Poe is pressing down and making desperate little noises. It’s mesmerizing. Finn doesn’t want to look away or stop because Poe is a vision of beauty with his head thrown back and his body glistening with perspiration, lips working around the sound of Finn’s name between moans and little cries of pleasure.

“O-oh Finn!” Poe’s voice rises in desperate pleasure, “Please Finn! I need you!”

Finn is helpless to anything but Poe’s need, removing his fingers as he slicks himself up with desperately shaking hands, lining himself up with Poe. “A-are you sure?”

“Yes! Please!”

He doesn’t need any more prompting than that, he can tell that Poe is barely hanging on now. Slowly he pushes into Poe and it’s like coming home. Poe’s body pulls him in, fitting around him so perfectly, enveloping him in such heat that Finn’s head is spinning with the pleasure of it. It’s almost too much, and Finn has to stop once he’s fully inside.

Trying to keep himself still, Finn looks up at Poe to make sure he’s alright. Poe’s chest is heaving and Finn can see his mouth is in a perfect O. Finn worries that it’s not a good thing, but Poe’s eyes are staring into Finn’s and Finn can see that Poe is thinking the same thing he is, about how like everything else so far they fit so perfectly together like this.

Poe reaches up for him, whispering his name through swollen lips. “F-Finn. Oh Finn!” Without hesitation Finn leans down and pulls Poe up, shifting so that he’s on his ass and Poe is now sitting in his lap. Facing each other like this is perfect and the new position causes Poe to sink further down onto Finn’s cock, something that has them both moaning helplessly in pleasure.

He kisses Poe’s face as he starts to twitch his hips up into Poe, catching Poe’s moans between their lips before they can escape. In the back of his mind there’s still the fear of being caught but it’s been pushed away because this is more important, Finn and Poe joined together as one.

They move together slowly at first, rocking against each other, seemingly relearning what each other likes best. All too soon though, their movements become more frantic, messier. There’s been so much build up that neither wants to draw this out. There’s also the knowledge that this may be their only time together but neither of them acknowledges that. Instead they get lost in each other and their pleasure, bodies moving in perfect sync.

Finn slides a hand between their sweat soaked bodies and wraps it around Poe’s straining erection; he wants to make sure that Poe feels so good, so loved. “Come for me Poe.” The words are whispered against Poe’s collar bone as Finn presses his face into Poe’s shoulder. “Show me how beautiful you are when you light up with pleasure.” There’s no conscious thought behind the words, Finn is just letting them flow out of him.

Whatever they mean they’re enough for Poe. When he comes he sobs out Finn’s name before tensing against him with a barely chocked off wail, his hips stuttering desperately. His orgasm drags out Finn’s and he holds Poe tightly to him as he thrusts up into Poe and releases into him, filling him with his seed.

They stay like that for one perfect moment as everything melts away and they are the only two people in the universe.

When they come back down from it, Finn is careful to pull out of Poe. He pulls him close, holding him tightly against his chest. He knows that they have to clean up and go back to Poe’s rooms soon but it can wait until they’re both ready. Right now, this is what’s right.

“I love you Finn.” Poe murmurs sleepily, curled against Finn’s chest, his face tucked into Finn’s shoulder.

Finn holds him tighter, more protectively. “I love you too, Poe.” He’s going to find out who they were and a way to get them out of here no matter what it takes. For now, he watches over Poe as he sleeps, letting him get the rest he so desperately deserves.


	6. Finn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay guys; I was away for a week and then worked last Sunday so no chapter then. Without any further distractions here's the next chapter!

\----

_They were right when they said we should never meet our heroes_   
_When they bowed at their feet, in the end it wasn't me_

\----

Finn has a promise to keep.

After what happened in the room with the flight simulator and Poe’s near breakdown, he needs to find out about just who the two of them were prior to reconditioning. For Poe, and for himself.

He’s determined to keep that promise to Poe.

And after the two of them had had sex, made love? Finn and Poe had discussed in more detail what had sent Poe into a near panic attack. He told Finn about how natural flying felt; it was as though the X-Wing was an extension of himself. For Poe, nothing had ever felt like that before.

Speaking about it had brought tears to Poe’s eyes and Finn had held him tightly until he was able to calm down. He’d promised Poe that he wouldn’t stop until he found every scrap of information that he could about them.

Since then, he and Poe have discussed the topic several times, trying to guess at their forgotten pasts. It becomes almost a game for them as they invent possible lives that they could have had. Neither of them needs to point out that in all of the scenarios they come up with, the two of them are always together.

They have so little time left together as they have been; General Hux and Lord Ren are scheduled to return in a matter of cycles, meaning Poe and Finn will likely no longer be permitted their walks around the floor and their time in the workout room.

“Do you think that if we found out who we were before. . .that maybe we can find a place where we belong?” Poe asks longingly from inside his room as Finn stands guard outside. “Somewhere that we can be together without fear. . .”

Finn thinks about touching Poe, of holding him and kissing him whenever he has the desire to and he wants that so badly. “I’m sure we will. Even if we didn’t have a place like that before we can still make such a place for ourselves. We’ll get as far away from the First Order as possible and find a planet to make a home for ourselves and then live our lives there together. No fighting. No fear. There will be only happiness and love.”

Finn can’t see Poe but he can hear the smile in his voice as he hears Poe speak, and when he closes his eyes he can imagine Poe sitting in his nest of blankets, with his back against the door smiling as he pictures their future. “I’d like that a lot. Maybe somewhere with a lot of trees.” Poe’s voice dips, sadness tinting it as he continues. “E-Even if it never happens, just the thought of it is enough.” Even though he doesn’t say it aloud, Finn can hear the unsaid: _It has to be._

 _It won’t be enough_ , Finn thinks to himself, the image of Poe lying in his bed, hurt because of General Hux and Lord Ren’s actions burned into his mind. _It won’t be enough because as long as you’re here they can hurt you and I’m going to get you somewhere safe, even if I have to die trying._

-

Finn knows that finding the information he seeks is not going to be easy, and not solely because the information is likely to be classified. For starters, Finn doesn’t have clearance to access the information or even the rooms where such information could be found. Most of the data stations are in locked rooms on certain levels of the Finalizer, and certainly not levels where Finn is usually permitted to go.

Even if he was lucky enough to locate one of the data rooms there’s still the issue of finding time to get to the room and managing to get access to it. When he’s not with Poe, Finn still has to attend training and drills. To top it off, it’s not as though stormtroopers are given much free time; aside from meals and their sleep cycle, there’s a very limited amount left for recreational time, perhaps an hour or so each day depending on the moods of the higher-ups, especially Captain Phasma.

If Finn is lucky, an hour is all the time that he will need.

When General Hux and Lord Ren return to the Finalizer everything changes and yet, in some ways, nothing changes at all. Finn is still required to stand guard outside of Poe’s rooms, and it takes all his will not to tense as the two men enter the room that first night. The action of a door closing has never sounded so ominous before.

The first few nights after they return are terrible. Both men visit Poe whenever they seem to have a moment of free time. Finn stands and stands, listening to the sounds that the men draw out of Poe. He can’t help but think that Poe sounds like he’s not as sincere with his pleasure while he’s with General Hux and Lord Ren. Even so, it’s almost as though the two men are making up for lost time, spending so much time with Poe. Finn’s only consolation is that Poe’s voice never sounds pained.

When Poe and Finn had their one time together, Poe had been so quiet, or had tried to, but every quivering moan and gasp of pleasure had been real. Finn remembers physically feeling Poe’s pleasure as well as the sounds he hadn’t quite been able to smother.

Poe is much more vocal General Hux and Lord Ren but it sounds like a performance; he is giving them what they want to hear.

It still breaks Finn’s hear to hear it, knowing Poe is being forced to let the two men do what they wanted to him. All Finn can do is remind himself that he is going to get Poe out of here just as soon as he can find the information that he needs.

By some miracle Finn is presented with an opportunity to access an information terminal soon after General Hux and Lord Ren return to the Finalizer. One of the newer troopers in his division has requested a shift change. It’s a rare opportunity and risky for all involved, but the stormtrooper’s caught some sort of bug while on the ground and when no one else volunteers, Finn offers to take his rounds which occur during the Finalizer’s sleep cycle.

Finn has to wait for his shift outside of Poe’s doors. Towards the end of the day cycle, Finn stands tall as General Hux and Lord Ren stalk past him to go into Poe’s room. Before entering General Hux stops to address him. “FN-2187, your presence will not be needed for the rest of the night. You are dismissed.”

“Yes General.” Finn hopes Poe will be alright but he doesn’t dare give General Hux or Lord Ren any reason to think that anything has changed during their absence. He doesn’t like leaving Poe alone with the two of them throughout the night, but what choice does he really have?

Once the two men have entered the room he sets off down the hall and grabs an elevator to the floor he’s going to be taking the shift for. When he arrives he goes over to the trooper in question, who seems to be trying not to be too obvious about leaning against the wall. “CT-2234, I am here to relieve you.”

“Thank you, FN-2187, you’re a lifesaver.” Nodding at Finn as Finn takes his place, CT-2234 heads down the hall and likely back to his units sleeping quarters.

Once CT-2234 is out of sight, Finn begins his patrol, doing two full laps around the floor to ensure that he is alone before he ducks into the nearest room that contains a data terminal. The fact that he needs access codes is irrelevant; he’s already obtained some from hovering around the techs just long enough on patrols to memorize their access codes. It wasn’t an easy task given how rarely Finn is given patrols around the ship, but he’s been taking on a lot of extra shifts to prepare for this. He only hopes that no one has noticed his eagerness to pick up other people’s shifts.

When he gains access, Finn chooses to try and search his designation first, since it’s more likely to get some hits provided he hasn’t been given a new designation. He doesn’t have much to go off of with Poe other than his name, and it’s one that may have been given to him by General Hux or Lord Ren.

When the terminal pings to show results, Finn is surprised that FN-2187 actually yields results.

What comes up is a picture himself out of his trooper armour and in a brown leather jacket and black shirt, looking badly beaten.

The information on the screen catalogues everything from when he began his training under the First Order, up until as recently as his assignment as Poe’s guard. There’s a detailed section about his reconditioning that has Finn feeling ill as he reads it, and then there’s the information from before his reconditioning.

TRAITOR

The word jumps out at Finn, triggering something in his brain. He can hear the words shouted at him from different people. There’s also pain and pride associated with it, something which Finn doesn’t understand, so he reads the information presented to him.

He reads about the mission on Jakku, about defecting from the First Order with Lord Ren’s valuable prisoner, and aiding in keeping valuable information from the First Order.

Finn learns about how he joined the Resistance and helped them in taking down Starkiller Base.

The information tapers off there, mentioning only hints and sightings of him until APREHENDED AND SENT FOR RECONDITIONING flashes across the screen. The date is slightly more than a year ago.

Beside his name under reconditioning is another name: Poe Dameron.

Feeling sick to his stomach, Finn looks up the information that the First Order has on Poe Dameron. The sight of Poe’s face, bruised and bleeding, looking at him in a holopic has him turning away from the screen so that he can regain control of himself. It’s all too much.

When he thinks he can continue, Finn turns back to the screen and loses himself for quite some time in reading about Commander Poe Dameron. There is just so much information to read.

If Finn was surprised about his own past, he’s floored by what he reads about who Poe was before. Commander Poe Dameron, leader of the Resistance’s fighter corps, one of General Leia Organa’s trusted confidants, and the best pilot in the Resistance. For years he had been a thorn in the First Order’s side, shooting down countless TIE fighters and leading bombing missions against their bases. It was Poe who struck the final blow to Starkiller Base and thwarted innumerable attempts and missions by the First Order throughout his career.

He’s also the valuable prisoner that Finn helped escape when he defected. Finn can surmise that this is when the two of them first met, and there’s the faint memory of the pain of loss in Finn’s mind when he tries to think about them escaping from the Finalizer.

Suddenly, it’s all too much. Finn needs to get out of this room. He can’t breathe properly. Shutting down the terminal, he backs out of the room and hurries off, pausing only to ensure that he won’t be spotted. He can’t return to his quarters yet, and so he tries to work off his stress with his patrol. He needs to talk to Poe but he knows that he won’t be able to do so until the next day.

He can only hope that no one discovers what he’s done until then; if someone has, everything is over before it’s even begun.

That night he dreams about flying and crashing into a world of sand.

-

Morning comes and Finn is relieved and surprised to see that he has not been killed in his sleep or dragged off to reconditioning, or worse. He can only hope his luck will last as he hurries to his position outside Poe’s door, trying to act like everything is as it should be.

They’ve developed a system where Poe will knock three times on the door to tell Finn it is safe to speak. It takes two hours before he hears the knocks, which to Finn means that Poe was either extremely tired or too sore to move until now, and doesn’t that have his heart clenching painfully.

“Poe, I found the information.” Finn tells shim eagerly once he answers back with his own knock. “I was a stormtrooper that defected and you were a pilot! A commander for the Resistance! You were someone important, Poe, and I bet if we can get out of here they’ll help us and welcome you back.”

The door whooshes open and it’s not Poe standing on the other side of it, but General Hux. “And you think they will take you as well FN-2187? That they’ll open their arms to you a second time after what you’ve done? It’s your fault that you are both here, after all. You failed to keep your precious pilot safe then, just as you’ve failed now.”

Finn makes a choked sound at the sight of General Hux, his eyes darting through the door to see that Lord Ren has a hold of Poe by the throat, forcing him to look in Finn’s direction.

There are tears glistening on Poe’s cheeks, and blood dripping from the corner of his lip. “F-Finn.”

“Why don’t you come in and join us FN-2187? We have so much to talk about, it seems.” It’s not a question it’s a command, and General Hux steps aside to allow Finn to enter.

When Finn hesitates, General Hux tilts his head toward Lord Ren and suddenly Finn can hear Poe struggling to breathe as Lord Ren tightens his grip.

Finn doesn’t hesitate a second time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm lonely on tumblr and would love if anyone wants to come talk to me about Star Wars, this fic or how pretty Poe Dameron hurts. So come see me at [darktenshi17](http://darktenshi17.tumblr.com/)


	7. Poe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I said there was two bonus chapters and I lied a little bit. The second bonus chapter isn't a new chapter all on its own, instead I've split the original chapter 6 into two new chapters each with entirely new scenes. So anyone who has read this on the kink meme will recognize the beginning of chapter 6 at the end of this chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

\----

_Is this my life?_   
_Ahhh_   
_Am I breathing underwater?_

\----

The first few nights that Ren and Hux return to the Finalizer are difficult for Poe, as the two men are always there and Poe finds it hard to keep his mind off Finn while he’s with them. While his body reacts readily to their touch and that part of his mind that is loyal to them tells him how right this all is, the part of Poe that belongs to Finn, has always belonged to him, is screaming inside.

He thinks that he’s doing a good enough job hiding it to keep both Finn and himself safe. It turns out that he’s not.

-

The night starts off the same as most of Poe’s nights: he’s sitting in his nest of pillows with a holopad preloaded with books and films, some of the only entertainment he’s allowed, when Ren and Hux enter his room. “Master Ren, Master Hux!” Jumping to his feet he runs over to them excitedly. “How was your day?”

Hux chuckles and lifts Poe’s chin for a kiss. “As frustrating as usual, but I know you’ll make the stress of running a ship melt away.”

Poe purrs happily as he leans in to give Hux his kiss, moulding his body against Hux’s and already working at slipping his great coat off of him. “I only ever want you to feel relaxed and happy when you’re with me.”

“I know you do,” Hux whispers after the kiss, pushing Poe down to his knees with a gentle but firm hand. “Use your mouth while Ren and I undress and if you please me enough I’ll make sure you come extra hard tonight.”

Without needing much encouragement, Poe presses his face against Hux’s crotch, feeling the growing erection there and mouthing at it eagerly. With his head tilted up just enough to look Hux in the eyes, Poe begins to undo the clasp of his pants with just his mouth, making sure to put on a show. It’s not the most efficient way to do this, but Hux seems to be enjoying the sight of it enough that he moans when Poe licks a wet stripe up the length of his erection through his briefs.

“Someone is very eager to please us tonight,” Ren murmurs, stepping behind Poe and running his hands through his hair. “Have you missed us, pet?”

Poe nuzzles Hux’s legs even as he tries to tilt his head back to enjoy the feel of Ren’s hands. “I always miss you when you’re not here.” He replies honestly, his mind sinking into the role of pleasure slave, and all other thoughts fleeing from it. Here, like this, Ren and Hux’s touches and bringing them pleasure are the only things he can think of.

Hux chuckles and his hands join Ren’s in Poe’s hair. “Always so eager for us. How can we do anything but spoil you?” The words are fond, and Poe sighs happily at them, soaking up the praise.

“What would you like tonight pet? You’ve been so good I think we can let you choose.” Ren tilts Poe’s head back so that Poe is looking him in the eyes.

Poe has never noticed before but the action is accompanied by the feel of something shifting in his mind. He’s so saturated with lust though that he pays it no mind. “I want Master Hux to fuck me, he’s had such a long day, and I want to suck you off while he does, Master Ren.”

That seems to please both men and Hux gestures to the bed. “I want you to crawl over to the bed and lay your chest flat on it, ass up.”

Without delay, Poe crawls over to the bed, making sure to exaggerate his movements when he feels Ren and Hux’s eyes on him. Dutifully he gets onto the bed as ordered and wiggles his ass at the two men, looking over his shoulder at them. “Like this, Master Hux?”

Ren chuckles and exchanges a look with Hux. “It seems our pet is quite cheeky tonight; shall we reward his behaviour?”

Hux looks thoughtful, stepping up to Poe and running a gloved hand down his spine. “He’s putting a show on for us it seems. He’s such a good boy for us, so keen to please.”

Poe moans wantonly at the touch. “Yes Master Hux, let me please you.” He wants to move from his current position so that he can touch Ren and Hux but he wisely keeps still. “Want to make you both feel so good.”

“We know pet, but today we want to take care of you.” Poe watches as Ren passes Hux the bottle of oil that Poe usually uses to prepare himself. “Legs spread wide pet.” Doing as he’s told, Poe moans when he feels two of Hux’s fingers slide into him with ease.

Chuckling, Ren comes around the bed to sit against the headboard, settling himself comfortably with his legs spread and his erection standing dark and proud just out of reach of Poe. “You look delightful like this.” Ren begins to stroke his erection and Poe can’t help the whine that escapes his throat at the need to get his mouth around it. “Not yet, just enjoy yourself for now.”

It’s all too easy to lose himself in the sensation of Hux’s fingers within him, stroking and stretching, always just grazing that spot inside of Poe with the lightest of touches that made him plead for more. This seemed to amuse Hux more than encourage him, making it so that he continued to do no more than brush against the spot.

“Please, please, please,” Poe begs, trying to push himself up against Hux’s fingers, only to have Hux grip his hip with his free hand.

 

“Patience.” Soon there were three fingers in him and Poe wants nothing more than for them to be replaced with Hux’s cock. The pace that Hux is going is torturous and Poe is a trembling ball of need.

Ren is chuckling from where he is sitting stroking himself still. “I think we may soon have to take pity on him Hux, he looks undone.”

Poe nods his head eagerly. “Oh please, please do!”

Laughing, Hux pulls his fingers out and gives Poe’s ass a light smack. “It would not do to keep him needy for too long.” There’s the sound of rustling behind Poe as Hux divests himself of the rest of his clothing. “Brace yourself.”

Doing so, Poe waits eagerly for the feeling of being filled and Hux doesn’t keep him waiting long; he pushes into Poe one long thrust filling him so wonderfully. “Thank you, thank you!” Poe doesn’t care that he’s babbling as he pushes back against Hux, all that matters is how complete he feels right now.

“You can show your thanks by taking care of Master Ren, he’s doing all the work himself.”

Poe reaches towards Ren, the man still too far away for Poe to reach him properly. Ren takes pity on him and shifts closer, just enough that Poe can reach out to touch his erection with his hand.

“Master Ren.” It’s frustrating not being able to touch him and if Poe moves too far forward it causes him to pull away from Hux. “Please, I need to suck your cock.”

Ren moves only a little closer at that, this time Poe can wrap his hand around Ren’s thick cock. “How badly do you need it?” He asks Poe with a chuckle.

A high pitched whine escapes Poe’s throat as Hux pulls him back against him, his cock slamming against Poe’s prostate. “A-ah! I-I can’t come without you in my mouth!”

“That seems rather selfish of you,” Ren remarks pulling himself back just out of Poe’s reach.

Poe tries to chase after Ren’s cock but he’s kept back by Hux. “I can make you feel so good.” He says honestly, licking his lips as he flicks his eyes up to look into Ren’s. “I want to suck every drop of cum out of you.”

His words pull a groan of pleasure out of Ren and a laugh from Hux. “Will you deny him now?”

“I think I’d be denying myself more than him if I kept away.” Laughing, Ren wiggles down until he’s close enough the Poe can swallow his cock eagerly in one quick motion, moaning at the feel of it and the taste of Ren’s precum on his tongue. “Force, I won’t last long at this rate.”

“Nor will I,” Hux admits as his thrusts begin losing their rhythm. “Our perfect little pet,” He grunts between thrusts, “so good to us.”

Poe can only hum in reply, meeting all of Hux’s thrusts as each one presses against his prostate, causing him to see stars. Ren’s hands are in his hair now, keeping his head in place, not that Poe has any desire to move. In this moment Poe feels complete, his mind at peace.

When Hux wraps his hand around Poe’s erection and begins to pump it in time with his thrusts, Poe comes undone. He moans eagerly around Ren’s cock, practically drooling with pleasure. Unbidden, his mind turns to Finn and how it had felt for them to make love. It’s that thought, more than what either Ren or Hux are doing to him, that has Poe tensing and crying out his orgasm around Ren’s cock.

There’s a moment where everything goes white around him from the force of his orgasm. He feels Hux tense behind him as he comes, and Ren pulls out of Poe’s mouth just enough for Poe to drink up his cum greedily.

He doesn’t get to enjoy the usual post-orgasmic cuddles that Ren often likes after sex; usually he’ll pull Poe close to him and hold him tightly there until he is either ready for another round or is called away. Hux on the other hand, if he doesn’t leave right away, will sit against the headboard and get work done. More than once Ren commented, rather affectionately, on how Hux is a workaholic. Sometimes Poe blows him or simply warms Hux’s cock while the man works.

Tonight he’s ripped off of Hux’s cock and thrown down on to the bed by an enraged Ren. “You little whore!” Ren’s hand is against his throat pressing down hard enough to cut off Poe’s air. “How dare you!?”

Poe claws at Ren’s arm trying to get air into his lungs. He vaguely hears Hux asking Ren what is going on. “This little slut slept with FN-2187.” There’s something in Ren’s voice that seems to be more than simple anger.

“Let him up, Ren.” The pressure on Poe’s throat eases just before he passes out and he’s able to suck in deep gulps of air. “Poe.” Hux’s voice is soft but cold and Poe looks over at him. “Is this true?”

Desperately Poe shakes his head, he can’t let them know! They’ll hurt Finn if he does. “N-no.”

Hux sighs in disappointment and strokes Poe’s hair tenderly before gripping it harshly enough to bring tears to Poe’s eyes. “You’re lying Poe, I can tell and I don’t need Ren’s use of the Force to do so.”

Ren is looming above him, his rage radiating around him as he turns Poe’s face back to him. Poe flinches when he wipes the tears that manage to escape. "Did you really think we wouldn't find out what you were up to pet? We own you and know every inch of your skin; we can tell when someone else has touched you."

“P-please I-I didn’t. . .”

“Oh pet, this will be so much worse on you for having lied to us.” Still holding Poe’s face, Ren leans back and holds out one black gloved hand toward Poe. “Just remember that you brought this on yourself.”

The gesture triggers something in Poe’s memory but he doesn’t remember what it is because suddenly Ren’s hands are in his mind and Poe is screaming and screaming from the agony of it.

The pain doesn’t stop until Poe passes out, but by then Ren has already gotten the information he wanted.

Poe has one last thought before everything goes dark.

_Finn._

-

 

Poe’s head is spinning as he slowly comes to; it takes an effort to open his eyes with how badly his head and body are screaming at him in pain.

“It’s time to wake up, Poe,” There’s a hand petting his hair just the way Poe liked but he knows that it’s not the hand he wants, because he can’t ever see Finn again, not after what happened last night.

The thought of the night before that has Poe jerking up and into consciousness, only to be pulled back against Ren’s chest. “Don’t move too much pet, I wouldn’t want to accidentally hurt you.”

At Ren’s words Poe realizes that there’s a pressure against his entrance, the slow in and out slide of something being worked into him and when he looks down, Ren is slowly working the hilt of his lightsaber into Poe. Poe’s breath catches in horror and he stills in fear of what could happen to him if Ren did accidentally ignite the weapon like this. Shuddering he settles against Ren’s chest and tries to keep as still as possible.

“Dear Poe, this wouldn’t be happening if it weren’t for your betrayal of our trust by allowing someone else to touch you.” Hux says as he comes over to take Poe’s chin between the fingers of one gloved hand. “Whatever happens here on out know that you deserve every moment of it, as does you precious FN-2187.”

Poe wants to say no, wants to deny that any part of this is Finn’s fault because it’s true, Poe was the one who initiated it all. “Please . . . please Master Hux it was all me don’t punish Fin- FN-2187,” Poe quickly tries to correct himself, “for this!”

The name Finn earns him a glare from Hux and a particular harsh strike against his cheek that leaves it throbbing. “FN-2187 will be punished for touching you. As to what that punishment is, well you’ll have to wait and see until he gets here.

Just then there’s a familiar knock on Poe’s door causing Poe’s eyes to widen in horror and dart between Hux and the door. Before he can plead once again for Finn’s safety, Ren pulls him tight against his chest and wraps a hand around his mouth to silence him.

Poe can just barely hear Finn’s excited voice from the other side of the door before Hux lets him in to the room and what may very well be Finn’s doom. As Finn enters, Ren moves his hand from Poe’s mouth to his throat so that Poe can just draw enough breath to call Finn’s name. “F-Finn.”

When Finn is brought into the room Poe feels his heart stop and he can’t help himself from craning his head to look back at Ren. “Please Master Ren; don’t punish Fin- FN-2187 for the mistakes I’ve made. I was the one who pressured him into everything.”

Ren strokes his cheek with mock tenderness; it’s the same hand that held Poe’s head still as he ripped through Poe’s memories of Finn and Poe’s time together. “You know I can’t do that Poe, he’s touched something that doesn’t belong to him and now he has to suffer the consequences. You both do.”

Poe wants to stay more but he can only gasp and close his eyes in pain as Ren thrusts the end of his lightsaber deeper within Poe. While the hilt of the blade may be round, it’s not by any means smooth, and pieces that stick out catch on Poe’s inside every time the blade is moved. Ren has not been gentle at all as he thrusts the hilt in and out of Poe. Poe knows that he’s bleeding from when it was shoved into him and tearing inside; his only consolation is that it hasn’t been activated.

“Poe!” Finn shouts his name as soon as he catches sight of Poe.

All Poe wants to cry that Finn shouldn’t be here, he needs to be safe. _He can’t see me like this._

Hux places a hand on Finn’s arm to remind him who is in control in this situation. “FN-2187, you have broken several rules with your recent actions. While Reconditioning is usually the easiest way to fix things, we’ve discovered in the past that with you it is better to take a more hands on approach.” He looks over at Poe with a leer. “Or perhaps hands off is the more appropriate wording as we will not need to lay a finger on you, FN-2187.” Stepping past Finn, Hux stalks over to Poe, wrapping one hand around his throat threateningly. “Our pretty pet on the other hand, well, you’ll just have to stay and watch won’t you?”

Finn is vibrating with emotion but he doesn’t move. It’s likely he doesn’t dare move because of Poe’s position, as either Ren or Hux could kill him so easily right now. Poe wants to beg Finn to look away, to run and escape the ship. He heard what Finn said earlier and something inside Poe tells him that Finn would be welcomed back to the Resistance as well if only he would run.

Poe knows that Finn won’t though, he won’t leave Poe behind; he both hates and loves that about Finn.

Hux tilts Poe’s head up so that Poe has to meet his cold blue eyes. “You could have avoided this if you’d only stayed our good little sex toy.”

“Somehow I doubt that; eventually you would have gotten bored of me or decided that I wasn’t worth keeping whole anymore and done something horrible. I may not remember who I was before but I can tell that men like you never change. Cruelty runs through your veins.” The comment earns Poe a slap that’s hard enough to snap his face to the side; it leaves his cheek stinging and the taste of blood in his mouth.

“You seem to be gaining some bravado; I almost missed your sharp tongue. After we reconditioned you, you were nothing but a quivering mess of need and fear.” Hux’s lips curl back in a vicious grin. “Whatever you were before, we’ve made you into a perfect sexual toy, you can never escape that. You’ll always crave our touch alone.” To illustrate his point, he wraps a gloved hand around Poe’s flaccid cock and begins to stroke it roughly, causing it to thicken quickly. “You belong to us Poe Dameron, and we are going to make you remember that tonight while your lover,” the word is spat like poison, “watches on. Then we’re going to send him down to Reconditioning, take every memory of you away from him, and send him to his execution while you watch.”

Poe shakes his head in denial, whether from denial of Hux’s words or his touch he doesn’t know. “NO! Just leave Finn alone!” Finn twitches at the sound of Poe’s cry, but doesn’t move, and Poe realizes that Ren must be holding him still with the Force.

Ren, who has been eerily silent until this point, chuckles darkly. “I would not worry about FN-2187; this will be much easier on him than it is on you.” As he speaks he does something to the lightsaber buried within Poe. He doesn’t turn it on but the metal begins to heat uncomfortably, and Poe chokes back a cry as it becomes unbearably hot. “We won’t damage you irreparably of course; you’re going to be ours for years and years.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come visit and or yell at me at [darktenshi17](http://darktenshi17.tumblr.com/)


	8. Poe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah hello everyone, long time no see. Uh. . .we have art! Done by my wonderful friend Brenna-Ivy. Apologies on how long this took to come out, I didn't have any inspiration for the new scene for the longest time and them bam! sat down and wrote it in a couple of hours when inspiration did hit. Thanks to Zoe_Dameron for editing and being an eternal cheerleader for this chapter and to everyone who has been reading this and waiting patiently for it. You guys are awesome. 
> 
> Added some new tags. Also this chapter has torture so careful!
> 
> Without further ado, let's get this ball rolling.

\----

_Is this my life?_   
_Ahhh_   
_Am I breathing underwater?_

\----

Someone is screaming. It’s a thin, high pitched sound and Poe doesn’t realize it’s him until Hux’s free hand closes around his throat tightly and the scream is cut off with a choke. “You mustn’t strain your voice too much pet; this is only the beginning of your punishment.”

Poe’s chest is heaving with pained breaths and there are tears running down his face as he breaks Hux’s gaze and turns to look at Finn. Finn who is standing completely frozen, with tears in his own eyes even as he attempts to struggle against the Force which is keeping him in place.

Ren makes an irritated noise as Poe’s attention drifts toward Finn. “None of that now, you’ve got to pay attention to your punishment.” In emphasis, he pushes the lightsaber hilt in harshly, beginning to thrust it in and out of Poe at a brutal pace that has more skin within him ripping.

It’s agony but Hux’s hand around Poe’s erection sends spikes of pleasure shooting through him. Poe is whimpering and whining with what little air Hux allows him; it’s enough to get the smallest breaths of air in but still leave his head foggy and spinning. When the hilt begins to hit that spot within him, Poe can’t help but arch into the touch and let out a choked scream as he comes.

Everything goes black.

Poe’s arms hurt when he wakes up again; it’s a sharp pain that has him hissing and trying to get into a more comfortable position, except he can’t. Very quickly he realizes he’s hanging by the chain hooked to the ceiling, his toes not even close to brushing the ground.

“Welcome back to the waking world,” Hux says, moving into Poe’s line of vision. Blearily, Poe gazes at him, not quite sure what’s going on. Hux has taken off his greatcoat and jacket and rolled up his shirt sleeves. He’s left his gloves on and in his hands he’s holding a whip. “Usually this type of thing would be preceded with an explanation of why this is your punishment, the amount of lashes, and instructions to count out your lashes as I hit you. We’re going to be doing things a little differently this time.”

Hux tilts Poe’s head up with the end of the whip, forcing him to look toward the bed where Ren has Finn stripped to his black under suit with his pants pulled down enough that Finn’s cock is out. “We’re going to make this a bit of an interactive punishment; I will continue whipping you until FN-2187 achieves an orgasm.”

Finn’s eyes go huge and he struggles against Ren’s hold. “No! You can’t make us-” His voice is cut off easily by Ren.

Clucking his tongue, Hux walks over and grabs Finn’s face. “You should be thanking us; we’re giving you a chance to lessen one of his punishments and all you have to do is put on a little show for us. It can’t be too hard. We’re not wholly cruel; Lord Ren will even give you a hand with it.”

That has Poe shaking his head. “No! You said you wouldn’t touch him!”

“If it pleases you to know,” Hux’s voice is dark and dangerous, “Lord Ren will be doing very little other than touching FN-2187. Whether or not FN-2187 succeeds in reaching orgasm will be entirely up to him.” He drops Finn’s face and walks back over to Poe. “For your sake pet, you had better hope he can perform quickly because I will not be going easy on you.”

With a nod to Ren, Hux steps out of Poe’s line of sight and Poe has very little warning as the whip strikes the small of his back, right above an existing scar. The pain is sharp and wrings a cry from Poe’s throat. He tries to bite his tongue to keep from making any noise during the next few strikes but Hux has no discernable pattern and he seems knows where to hit and the right amount of strength to use in order to inflict the most pain.

It doesn’t take long for Poe to begin pleading for Hux to stop, begging for forgiveness.

None of it softens the blows or makes them stop. “You know who you have to appeal to in order for this punishment to stop,” Hux tells him, his voice slightly breathless from exertion. “Beg FN-2187 to end this for you.”

Poe cries openly because he can’t do that, he can’t put that sort of pressure on Finn. He’s been trying to avoid even looking over at Finn and Ren on the bed, but unbidden his eyes drift over to them.

Finn is crying; there are tears staining his cheeks and his beautiful lips are trembling as he stares back at Poe. Poe swallows thickly as he notices Ren’s hands playing with Finn’s nipples as he watches Ren pinches them and the action makes Finn jump slightly and Poe can just barely hear him whimpering. Slowly when his gaze travels lower, down to where one of Finn’s big hands is wrapped around his barely hard cock, pumping it furiously.

It’s not going to work. Poe knows it, Hux knows it, and Ren does too. The only one who doesn’t seem to realize it is Finn, who continues tugging on his cock, desperate to get it hard enough so that he can end Poe’s punishment.

Heart swelling in love and pain, Poe prays instead that Hux will hit him hard enough to break open his skin so that he’ll bleed to death. This way at least, Finn will be free from what he may perceive as his responsibility to Poe.

Poe only gets part of his wish because the universe is so very cruel. He can feel his own blood dripping down his back and thighs and onto the floor, but it’s not enough for him to pass out or die from. Instead Hux begins to hit him in other places that aren’t damaged; shoulders, sides, thighs, legs, and even his chest and stomach occasionally.

Even though Poe’s head is swimming from the pain the punishment doesn’t end; it feels like it’s been going on forever. The ringing in his head and the sound of whip hitting his flesh suddenly stops when another sound breaks through the air, a choking sob as Finn manages to force his body into orgasm. Poe stares at him, eyes wide at Finn’s shaking body. Finn tries to offer him a shaky smile despite how broken he looked.

The sound of Hux clapping fills the room. “Very good FN-2187, I was almost running out of places to hit.” He nods at Ren who releases Finn, shoving him to the ground with little care. With a snap of his fingers the chains holding Poe’s arms up release and Poe falls to the ground with a scream, the wounds from the whip making contact with the cold, hard floor.

He doesn’t get much of a chance to move before Hux has walked over to him to grab Poe’s hair, dragging him back toward the bed and throwing him on top of Ren. Ren grabs him tightly around the middle and pulls him up to his knees, ignoring the way Poe cries in pain as he’s manhandled.

Suddenly Hux’s glove is on Poe’s back, catching and pulling at the open wounds. When Poe turns as much as possible to see what he’s doing, he notices Hux gathering blood into his hand and then stroking his erection with it.

When he notices Poe’s look of horror, Hux merely smirks. “We may as well make use of all this blood you’re excreting.” Without further warning he thrusts into Poe’s torn hole and begins fucking into him slowly. “You’re always so open for us, and your cries are so sweet.”

While Poe’s attention is on Hux, he doesn’t see Ren freeing himself from his robes. Poe does notice when he’s suddenly pulled off of Hux’s erection until just the head is still inside. When he feels something else nudging against his entrance he realizes what’s going on and fights to push Ren away.

Fighting accomplishes nothing; between Ren and Hux’s hands and the Force, Poe is easily immobilised and can only scream and arch his back a slight bit as Ren pushes into him alongside Hux, inch by agonizing inch.

This isn’t the first time the two men have taken Poe together like this before, but it’s a rare occurrence and is usually preceded by extensive stretching. Where once it was a pleasurable and over stimulating experience, today it’s nothing but agony.

“You’re so tight for us.” Ren hisses into Poe’s ear, moving to bite cruelly at his neck. “This is better than any other time we’ve fucked you. Going forward in the future we’ll have to do this on occasion.”

Ren isn’t talking to him; he’s talking over Poe, to Hux. “I believe you are correct, Ren. Perhaps we should include doing this on a whim to ensure our dear pet knows his place; although he will not have so much of a distraction in the future.” The last comment is directed to Finn, who is frozen where he fell on the floor.

Poe wants to say something, to beg for Finn’s life, to give his own in Finn’s place, but he can’t think through the pain he’s in. It gets worse once either Ren or Hux wraps a hand around his cock and begins stroking it. It’s a testament to his conditioning that he easily becomes erect under the stimulation.

The pace Ren and Hux set is brutal, and there are spots dancing in front of his eyes. He doesn’t even feel the two men finish inside because as soon as Poe’s orgasm is forced out of him his awareness goes dark.

-

Poe wakes up in the Finalizer’s medbay feeling as though he were trampled and partially dissected by a herd of bantha. Every movement hurts and even though the more pressing and permanent of the injuries have been dealt with, Poe can tell that he hasn’t been given any painkillers to dull his pain. He’s also attached to the bed he’s lying on by a chain around his ankle; Poe can feel the heaviness of it when he tries to move his right leg. He’s actually surprised that they didn’t use straps on his arms and legs to keep him from moving. Likely they thought he’d be in too much pain to move.

Moaning, Poe opens his eyes and looks around the room he’s in; it’s sterile and doesn’t seem to hold anything other than the bed he’s on. A glance over at the door shows the light blinking red, signalling that it’s locked. He shouldn’t be surprised at the extra measures there, especially when he only has the chain attaching him to the bed.

Closing his eyes again, Poe tries to fight back feelings of despair at his hopelessness; while he’s laying here who knows what’s happening to Finn. When he thinks about it he can see Finn on the floor of Poe’s room, unable to do anything but watch in horror while Ren and Hux fucked into Poe.

Instead of allowing those thoughts to knock him down he tries to pull determination from them. He feels disoriented as he sits up; pushing away any negative emotions he tries to figure out his options. The cuff on his ankle is attached tight enough that Poe knows he won’t be able to squeeze it off.

It doesn’t take him long to notice one very big oversight; the end of the chain is connected to one of the handles on the bed, and even in his weakened state Poe thinks he might just be able to break it if he uses enough force.

Drawing on what little strength he has and using the pain he is feeling, Poe kicks at the handle with his left leg using the heel of his foot to try and break the durasteel. It’s painful, pulling at the healing whip marks on his body and sending agony flaring up from his abused anal cavity. Not deterred, he continues to kick it until his heel is cracked and bleeding. Finally, the durasteel groans and gives way with a clang on the one side. It’s just enough for Poe to slip the other end of his cuff off and gain freedom.

There is no way that the noise he’d made wouldn’t attract attention and Poe hurries to break off the rest of the handle so that he can use it as a weapon. Once that’s done he hides himself in a corner on the other side of the door. It’s not long after that a doctor comes into the room to investigate what’s going on. Poe is ready for him, whacking the man across the head and hitting him with the length of metal until he falls unconscious.

Without a second thought he grabs the man’s lab coat and ID badge and hurries out of the room. Somehow he can’t believe that Kylo and Hux left only one doctor to look after him, but apparently they did.

He needs to find Finn.

-

The blaster feels heavy and not entirely unfamiliar in Poe’s hand as he tiptoes through the hallways of the Finalizer. His bare feet make it easy to go undetected, and even his stolen lab coat and white hospital scrubs grant him some invisibility. He at least blends in enough that someone will need to take a second look before they realize someone’s there.

He’d like to say that it’s easy finding out where Finn is being kept, but three dead stormtroopers and a sprained ankle later and he’s limping down toward the interrogation cells where a particularly unhelpful trooper had informed him where Finn was being kept. Poe tries not to think about how he shot the man in the stomach and threatened to leave him bleed out slowly if he didn’t give Poe the information he wanted. Cruelty is not something Poe though he was capable of, though apparently he was wrong. When the trooper gave up the information Poe wanted, Poe had ended his life with a quick shot to the head.

The interrogation block is not as well guarded as Poe though it would be; there’s only one pair of troopers standing outside a door some distance off. Poe carefully aims his blaster and fires, hitting the first trooper in the side but missing the second. Cursing, he fires quickly again, trying to knock them down before anyone realizes what’s happening. He gets lucky with a chest shot as the trooper turns and fires back on him. (Part of him wonders if it it’s not luck, maybe the him from before was just a really good shot.)

With his guard still up, Poe inches forward, blaster trained on them, watching for movement. The first one struggles to lift his arm and Poe shoots again, this time just below the bottom of the trooper’s helmet. The spray of blood doesn’t brother him as much as it probably should.

Chest heaving, he presses the release for the doors and hurries in. Finn is thankfully inside the room, strapped to a chair that sparks familiarity and fear within Poe. Shaking his head, Poe pushes forward, releasing the restraints and rushing over to Finn who appears groggy and disorientated.

“Finn!” Poe whispers urgently, cradling Finn and helping ease him to the ground. “Oh Finn. . . please tell me they didn’t recondition you.” When Finn doesn’t respond right away Poe curls around him, crying. “Oh Finn, this is all my fault.”

“Not. . .ur. . . fa. . .lt.” Finn says brokenly, tilting his head up to look at Poe. “Would have done it anyway.” Finn’s voice gets stronger as he seems to wake up, and Poe pulls out one of the pain blockers he’d grabbed before he’d escaped, pressing it into Finn’s arm. Finn gasps and slowly becomes more alert. “Poe! Maker, Poe!” His hands come up to pull Poe into a hug. “Are you alright?”

Poe keeps his expression neutral as he returns the hug, pulling away eventually to help Finn stand. “I will be once we get out of here.” He looks Finn over for injuries; he’s only in his black under suit which is ripped and stained with blood. “Stay here.”

Going through the door, he grabs both of the death troopers and drags them in one at a time with some difficulty. “You need to cobble together armour or we won’t be able to get out of here. Someone’s bound to figure out I’ve escaped and sound the alarm. I’m worried that someone hadn’t already.”

He waits with baited breath for the alarms to sound but things remain eerily quiet. “What if Ren and Hux have something horrible planned. . .we have to hurry and get out while we have a chance.”

Finn nods and together they work on stripping the troopers and getting Finn into the less damaged pieces of armour. Other than a few scorch marks he looks presentable so long as no one looks at him too closely.

“If we take a TIE fighter we can escape from the Finalizer,” Finn suggests, peeking out into the corridor to see if there are any signs of what’s happened. “Do you think you can you fly a TIE?” He asks, turning back to Poe.

“I can fly anything,” Poe says firmly, shoulders straight as he meets Finn’s eyes through the visor of the helmet. “Like you said, I’m not a slave, I’m a pilot. The best pilot in the Galaxy.”

Finn squeezes Poe’s hand tightly, comfortingly. “We’re going to get out of here together. Even if we die at least we died making our own choices toward freedom.”

Finn’s smile warms his heart. “I love you, Finn.” He presses his lips to the visor of Finn’s helmet. “We’re going to do this. We’re getting out of here.”

“Yeah, we’re doing this.” Finn takes Poe’s arm and begins to lead him through the corridors of the Finalizer.

Poe’s doesn’t want to admit it but he’s still healing and every step is agony; the painkiller he took prior to leaving medbay is wearing off too quickly. He doesn’t want Finn to worry and wills himself to push through it; this will be their only chance for escape.

“Together no matter the outcome.” Poe whispers to Finn firmly under his breath, and Finn nods just barely in agreement.” Then it’s a mad dash to get into one of the ships and blast off into space. Poe is pretty proud of himself for remembering to eject the tether cord before taking off. He has a faint memory of not knowing to the last time he did this.

He’s unsurprised when they’re shot at almost as soon they’re out of the hanger bay. Doing his best, Poe tries m1anoeuvre away from the shots while Finn returns fire, cheering with him when he’s able to take out several of the Finalizer’s guns. This all feels so intoxicatingly familiar and Poe wonders if this is how they escaped the first time.

Then the TIE takes a hard hit and they’re spiraling down toward the planet below.


	9. Rey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling super extra sick today, so to celebrate I'm posting chapter 9, which was just returned to me. Edited as always by the amazing Zoe_Dameron <3

_\----  
_  
_Nights are days_  
_We'll beat a path through the mirrored maze_  
_I can see the end_  
_But it hasn't happened yet_  
_I can see the end_  
_But it hasn't happened yet_

\----

 

The stars are shinning brightly in the night sky, each one a sun surrounded by one or more planets. Some of these planets contain life and some do not. Rey knows that somewhere on one of these planets lie the bodies of her two closest friends.

Every night Rey leaves the base to go and wander the forests of Hieldan II, making her way into an open field and settling down to stare up at the stars. Each night she hopes that this time maybe she can sense just the tiniest bit of either Finn or Poe’s essence so that the Resistance can claim their bodies and bring her boys home.

Every night she comes out here and every night she returns to her rooms on the base with a heavy heart and a feeling of disappointment.

It’s been over a year and everyone tells her that she should just give up her search and let herself finally mourn Finn and Poe’s death. She knows they’re right but there’s this insistent feeling that tells her to never give up.

And so here she is again, this time with BB-8 pressed against her side, their optical lens tilted up to try and see what Rey sees in the sky. Seeing nothing, BB-8 turns to her with an inquisitive beep.

“I can’t give up. . .” Rey says, finally turning away from the stars to look over at BB-8. She’s not sure if she’s trying to convince herself or BB-8.

BB-8 lets out a mournful warble and pushes closer to Rey, it’s as close to a hug as the little droid can manage.

“I know BB, I miss them too,” Rey agrees, rubbing the top of their head with a gentle hand before wrapping her arms around BB-8’s round body. “It’s never going to be the same without them here, but we can’t let our lives end just because they’re gone.” The words sound hollow even to her own ears, but she’s been trying to live by them.

“Let’s go back inside. I think it’s time to retire for the night.” As she says the words she knows this will be the last time she comes out here. She needs to let Finn and Poe go, even though it’s the last thing Rey wants to do.

Together they make they make their way back onto the base. Behind them a star shoots across the sky but neither of them sees it.

-

Curled up in her bed that night, Rey dreams of flying through space and hurtling toward a planet in a fiery crash. She wakes up with a shout; the dream has left her disoriented and her heart racing. Every pilot fears that they will one day crash and it’s not an uncommon dream for a pilot to have, but something about it sticks with her.

For reasons she cannot comprehend, the dream reminds her of the story of Finn and Poe’s escape from the First Order flagship the Finalizer. The memory leaves her feeling sorrowful and distracted all through the day.

Master Luke notices, of course, and is quick to point it out “Rey, you need to clear your mind. Distraction can be dangerous.”

Sighing to herself, Rey tries to banish her dream from her mind, turning her focus inward to try and calm herself. “Yes, Master.”

It works for a few minutes; she feels one with the Force and is at peace, but even so she can’t push the thought of Finn and Poe out of her mind. With an irritated growl, she gives up, standing and grabbing her staff to go and whack at a nearby tree. She knows in a way that it is giving into anger but she can’t help it, she needs a physical outlet to calm her frayed nerves.

She hears Master Luke exhale a soft breath and stand to join her. “I don’t need to tell you that holding on to such anger can lead you to the Dark Side.”

Rey doesn’t acknowledge his words, she already knows the dangers of it, but he’s also right in that she can’t keep holding on to it. “Come sit with me again and we can talk about what is troubling you.”

Begrudgingly, she lowers the staff and follows after Master Luke, taking a seat on the grass once again. “I had a dream that made me think of them. . .Finn and Poe.”

“And it made you angry.” There’s no judgment in his voice, only patience and understanding.

Rey shakes her head, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. “No, it made me sad because I miss them so much. I got angry because I don’t understand why it had to be them! It wasn’t even a mission!” The anger flares hot within her again. “It was just a simple escort job; there and back . . . they shouldn’t have been. . .” The words become choked and Rey can’t get them out past her tears.

Master Luke places a comforting hand on her shoulder, rubbing her back in small circles. “The Force works in mysterious ways, but sometimes there’s no reason for why things happen. What happened to Poe and Finn is most unfortunate but all we can do is move on and continue the fight in their memory and the memories of all those we have lost in this conflict and conflicts past.” He sounds so world-weary but Rey ignores it.

“I don’t care about that!” She’s still so angry that she can barely contain it. “They shouldn’t have died because they were mine!” They were her best friends, Finn her first and with him came Poe, the two always smiling, hands clasped together. In so many ways they were her family, her world. The anger fades quickly to be replaced by crippling sorrow as she remembers the last time she saw them.

_“It’s just an escort mission, no Jedi needed!” Poe jokes as he loads the shuttle they’ll be taking on their mission, along with a few basic supplies. “You’ll have to keep BB-8 safe for me while we’re gone. Make sure my little Beep isn’t lonely even for a moment.”_

_BB-8 chirps inquisitively at Poe, rolling closer to him_

_Poe looks down at his droid fondly, kneeling in front of them and patting their dome. “Because you’ll be bored if you come with us, that’s why. This way you can keep Rey company. We don’t know what kind of trouble she’ll get into without us. Besides, maybe she’ll even let you help with Jedi training!”_

_Rey puffs out her cheeks. “I would not get into trouble, I’m pretty sure it’s you who attracts trouble like flies to honey, Poe Dameron.”_

_“Which is why he needs me to go with him,” Finn laughs as he comes to join them. “No telling what’s going to happen if I’m not there to rescue him from any trouble he gets himself into.”_

_Poe sticks his tongue out at Finn with the utmost maturity. “Bite me.”_

_“Not until we’re alone,” Finn replies, easily turning his attention to Rey. “We’ll miss you and I’ll make sure to comm you as soon as we’ve arrived at our destination, and then again when we’re on our way back.”_

_“You had better.” Rey pulls Finn into a tight embrace. “Take care of yourself, Finn. You too, Poe,” she adds as Poe comes in for a hug as well. “May the Force be with you both.”_

_“And also with you, Rey.” They both grin and with a final group hug the two of them load up into their ship and Rey watches them fly off._

_One night she wakes up feeling as though she has just lost something precious._

_Eight days later, three days after they were supposed to check in, Rey learns that central command has confirmed that their ship was shot down entering hyperspace and exploded in space. The confirmation comes from the shuttle they were escorting, which had to evade what was likely pirates._

_If Rey thought her world had crumbled when her family left her on Jakku, the knowledge that she’s lost Finn and Poe is even worse._

“Rey. . .” Luke’s voice holds no judgment in it but Rey knows that he is disappointed in her at this time. “Perhaps you should talk to someone else about this. The Resistance has a psytech on hand who helps to heal the mind in ways the Force cannot. It may help for you to talk to her.”

There isn’t much that she can say to that, and so Rey nods her head in resignation, scrubbing at her eyes to wipe away any evidence of tears. “I’ll do that, Master Luke.”

She doesn’t want to, not really, but she can’t keep a hold of this anger; she’s seen what anger and hatred can do to a Force user and she doesn’t want to become like Kylo Ren. “Thank you.”

Leaving him to his meditation Rey heads back toward the base looking for a distraction. Around now, BB-8 will be getting a diagnostic done, usually by Snap, Jess, Karé, or Iolo if Rey isn’t available. These four pilots were Poe’s closest friends outside of herself and Finn, and they were the only other people that Poe trusted BB-8 with. Technically, BB-8 is now Rey’s. Leia had given them to her, but Rey can never think of BB-8 that way and so the little droid is now the official mascot of the fleet in memory of Poe.

She makes it half way to the hanger where the pilots tend to gather when she is struck momentarily blind by a flash of something that is unlike anything she has ever felt before; it borders on agony and pleasure. The sensation is so strong it has her blacking out and tumbling to the ground.

“Rey can you hear me?” Rey wakes to the sound of someone calling her name.

“Y-yes.” She slowly opens her eyes to meet the concerned blue eyes of Master Luke. “What happened?” When she tries to sit up the world spins and she once it stops she realizes that she is in the medical bay.

Dr Kalonia smiles kindly down at her. “You passed out dear. It’s been three hours since Master Skywalker brought you in here. We’ve run a few tests but now that you’re awake we can check do further testing.” She flicks a small light in Rey’s eyes having Rey follow it with her eyes. “Any pain or sensitivity to light the light?”

Rey shakes her head, still trying to wrap her mind around what happened. “No. . . I think it had something to do with the Force. I felt this sudden sensation and then I passed out.”

Reaching out with the Force, she takes stock of herself. Physically, she seems to be fine, but there’s something new, a connection that she’s never felt before. Without second thought she reaches out to follow it with the Force. When she touches it and feels a faint but familiar set of life signatures from it she can barely hold back a joyful cry of shock.

“What’s wrong dear?” Dr Kalonia asks urgently, clearly ready to administer some sort of painkiller or other drug if she needs them.

There are tears running unabashedly down Rey’s cheeks. “They’re back.” It doesn’t matter that this should be impossible but she knows what she’s sensing. “I can feel them again.”

Master Luke already looks like he suspects just whom it is that Rey is talking about but he prompts her to continue anyway. “Who can you feel, Rey?”

“Finn and Poe.”

From beside the bed BB-8 whoops in alarm, swivelling their lens to look at her before launching into a series of queries in binary so fast that even Rey can’t follow them.

Laying a hand on BB-8’s dome Rey continued, “You remember how I felt it when they died? It was like something was suddenly torn out of me. This was similar but I think what I’m feeling are their life signatures suddenly returning to the Force. They’re alive and I know that I can find them!”

Master Luke nods and turns to BB-8. “Alert Leia. It looks like we may have a rescue to mount.”

Cheers ring through the medical center from the personnel who have all been listening in on the conversation. Rey hears it all distantly, her mind wrapped around the weak Force signatures that Finn and Poe are emitting, trying to will them stay safe and alive.


	10. Finn

\---

_Is this my life?_   
_Ahhh_   
_Am I breathing underwater?_

\---

 

Finn wakes to a world of pain and little recollection of why he’s in pain. Blinking his eyes open he looks around, taking in the sight of a large purple trees towering above him, their shiny silver leaves glistening with sunlight. None of which seem right because he should be on the Finalizer and. . .

POE! His mind screams suddenly as everything comes back to him in a sickening rush. Struggling to sit up, Finn realizes he’s strapped to a chair and fights to get the straps off. It’s then that he discovers that his left arm is broken, the bones scraping together and sending agony through the limb as he tries to move it.

Biting back a curse, Finn works through the pain and manages to free himself from the straps. Once he’s free he scrambles to his feet and begins to look around desperately, trying to find Poe. “Poe! Poe!!!”

There’s a trail of smouldering wreckage for Finn to follow, all leading up to what’s left of the TIE fighter suspended by the branches of several of the purple trees. Inside it Finn can see Poe hanging precariously over the open ground, only the harness from the pilot’s seat keeping him from plunging to the ground and possibly death. Finn estimates that the TIE fighter must be suspended at least forty feet off the ground.

“POE!” Finn calls up to him several times but there’s no answer from the pilot, who’s clearly unconscious. Finn worries that he may have sustained a head injury or other serious injuries on top of those inflicted on him by Hux and Ren. He doesn’t allow himself to entertain the possibility that Poe is dead. (And doesn’t that not-thought bring about a piece of painful nostalgia.)

 _Okay Finn, time to calm down and think._ He needs to plan out what to do. While the obvious answer is getting Poe out of the TIE fighter either before it crashes or before the First Order comes after them, he needs to figure out how to do that.

Finn looks around and notices thick vines that snake up the trunk of one of the trees whose branches the TIE is resting on. If the branches are strong enough to hold the TIE then they should be safe for Finn to climb. He should be able to use them to get up to Poe, although the real difficulty will be getting him down, especially when Finn doesn’t have an idea what sort of timeframe he has for getting everything done.

Standing around thinking about it isn’t going to get him anywhere. First, Finn needs to get up there and see if Poe’s even alive. Once again, his mind revolts from that thought and Finn focuses on testing the vines, then beginning to climb when they prove sturdy enough.

The climb itself is gruelling and takes more time than he would care to think on. He’s physically fit but not used to using his muscles to climb trees, and doing it with a hastily splinted broken arm isn’t helping either. When he finally makes it up he needs to take a moment to catch his breath before he crawls closer to where the TIE sits.

“Poe.” Finn calls as he crawls his way over, hoping that the other man has regained consciousness in the time it took to climb up here, because rescuing someone in this situation seems much easier when the other person can offer some aid. “Poe! You need to wake up!” There’s not even a twitch from Poe and Finn’s starting to fear that just maybe the worst has come to pass.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Okay, calm down Finn and think.” The First Order wasn’t big on teaching survival but maybe some of his skills could be transferable. “Go about this logically; what’s the first thing you need to do, what’s most important right now?” The answer to that hasn’t changed: get Poe out of the TIE fighter.

First, he was going to need to make some sort of net or harness to ensure that if the TIE did crash then Poe wouldn’t go down with it. There were enough vines that could be used to tie around Poe to ensure he was safe.

Finn set to work on that, trying to move as fast as possible to find vines that worked. He also secured himself to the branch he was standing on just in case he fell; he couldn’t save Poe if he died from falling himself.

He was so focused on this task that he completely missed when Poe regained consciousness and nearly fell off the branch, thank the Maker for his foresight on securing himself, when he registered Poe calling his name.

“F-Finn?” Poe’s voice is weak but in the silence of the area it feels like a shout to Finn.

“Poe!” He cries eagerly, rushing as close as he dares to the TIE fighter. “Are you okay? Can you move? I don’t want to push you but we need to get you out of there and safely to the ground.” _And then we need to get out of here as fast as we can, Finn adds silently to himself, even if I have to carry you._

From where Finn is standing, Poe looks disorientated but he seems to be registering Finn’s words. “I can move. . . I-” Poe goes pale as he opens his eyes and finally sees how far above the ground he is. “F-Finn. . .”

“Hey, it’s okay Poe. Poe look at me.” When Poe tears his eyes away from the ground below, Finn offers him an encouraging smile. “We’re getting you out of there. I’ve already got a plan.” He moves as close as he can, holding a vine out for Poe. “I need you to wrap this around yourself and tie it off. I’ll walk you through how to do it securely.”

With trembling fingers, Poe does as he’s told. Soon he’s secure enough that Finn is certain he won’t plummet to his possible death if anything goes wrong. “Now you’re going to unbuckle your harness and reach out to me so I can pull you up here to safety.”

“O-okay.” Finn can see that Poe is afraid but he seems holding it together well. Carefully, he unbuckles himself and reaches over for Finn’s hand before fully twisting out of the harness.

Finn pulls Poe to him, wrapping his arms around the other man and holding him tightly. “I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”

Finally, Finn feels like he can breathe easier with Poe is out of the TIE. They aren’t safe but they can take a minute to catch their breath. It’s looking like the First Order can’t see the crash site from the air, and with luck the tracking beacon had been damaged as well.

“We can’t stay here Poe, we have to climb down and get as far away from here as possible.” Their primary concerns are going to be finding water and food, and then a shelter if they can’t find a town. Getting off the planet is also high on the list. First, they need to get away from the crash site. “Do you think you can climb down?” Finn doesn’t know how much medical treatment Poe received after what happened, but the TIE crash couldn’t have helped his injuries.

Poe nods, his gaze anywhere but the ground. “I don’t really have much choice, do I?”

Finn nods grimly. “I can try to carry you but my left arm is broken.” He holds up the injured limb. “Once we’re away from here we can take stock of our injuries better,” he adds when he looks at Poe’s stricken face. “I’m alright for now, we really need to go.”

-

“F-Finn; I can’t. . .” Poe’s voice is shaking as he suddenly falls to the ground, almost pulling Finn down with him due to their joined hands.

When Finn crouches down next to him, he notices that Poe is trembling, barely even able to keep his head up and Finn feels like bantha fodder because he’s been so concerned with getting as far away as possible that he allowed himself to forget Poe’s condition. “Shit, Poe I’m sorry.”

Poe shakes his head, using considerable effort to lift it and look up at Finn. “It’s my fault. I-I should have said something and you’re right, we needed to get away, I can’t lag behind.” He looks away from Finn. “I’m sorry I’m not stronger.”

“Oh Poe, no.” Finn cups Poe’s face lovingly, turning it so that he can look into Poe’s beautiful brown eyes. “You’re so strong Poe. You’ve survived everything Hux and Ren have thrown at you.” Finn looks up at the darkening sky. “We just need to stop for the night, we’re far enough away that we should be safe, and it’s getting dark anyway.”

Finn looks around, taking in the river they’ve been walking alongside for the better part of the last three hours. Finding it had been a god send; they’d been able to quench their thirst and clean their wounds before continuing their journey.

There’s nothing around them that would work for a shelter, not one that would offer any sort of security. “Do you think you’ll be able to walk just a little further? We can’t stay here.”

Instead of answering verbally, Poe pushes himself up onto his feet; Finn can tell that it takes a considerable amount of effort. He wraps an arm around Poe’s waist and loops Poe’s arm around his own shoulder to help him walk.

They walk for almost another hour until Finn spots somewhere he deems good enough for them for the night. It’s a thicket guarded by very dense blue bushes and it’s far enough away from the river that it’s not obvious.

It’ll do for the night.

Finn only wishes they had something to eat in order to regain some of their strength. He knows he hasn’t eaten since morning meal and Poe may very well have not eaten at all.

They settle in the densest part of the bushes, with Poe curling himself against Finn’s side. For a while they sit in silence, both completely exhausted and beaten down from the events of the past two days.

It’s Poe who finally breaks the silence. “I’m scared Finn. Even if we manage to escape from this planet, to get away from the Order. . . what then?”

“We’ll find the Resistance. You were so important to them so they have to be looking for you. Even if they think you died, someone out there is bound to recognize you. We’ll take it one step at a time and things will turn out fine.” They have to, he thinks to himself, knowing that neither he nor Poe will be able to survive if they’re caught and brought back to the First Order. Finn already has a death sentence hanging over his head and who knows what Hux and Ren will do to Poe. . .

The very thought has him shivering and he pulls Poe closer against him to offer him some form of comfort and protection. “We just can’t give up believing.” _Trust in the will of the Force_ ; it’s not Finn’s own voice that whispers it but that of a girl, it’s so familiar.

“I won’t go anywhere if you’re not there with me,” Poe murmurs, the words turning into a slur as he struggles to fight the urge to sleep.

Finn presses a kiss to the crow of Poe’s head. “We’ll get out of this together,” he tells Poe, trying to be reassuring. “For now, you rest and I’ll keep watch.”

Poe murmurs something in protest but he’s exhausted and is rapidly losing his fight with sleep. “S’long as I’m with you I dun care. Love you.” Almost as soon as the words are uttered, Finn can feel Poe finally relaxing against him in sleep.

The words bring a smile to Finn’s face and he can’t help but reach up and pet Poe’s hair, brushing aside the curls hanging over his face. “I love you too, Poe.” Settling himself in for a long night, Finn keeps his eyes peeled and his ears sharp for any sign of trouble.

Finn doesn’t realize that he’s fallen asleep until the sound of something crashing nearby through the brush startles him awake shortly after sunrise. He’s alert instantly, one hand on Poe’s shoulder to shake him awake.

“W-ha-” Finn slaps a hand over Poe’s mouth before he can make too much noise. Poe looks at him with wide-eyed alarm as Finn motions for him to stand. Together the two of them get up and try to make it out of the thicket before whatever is coming their way makes it to them.

Their escape is cut off when there come similar sounds from the other two sides of the thicket. It’s obvious that they’re being circled and cornered.

Poe looks up at Finn desperately and pulls him in for a deep kiss. “If we don’t make it, know that I love you.”

“We’re going to make it, Poe,” Finn says after the kiss breaks; he’s got his hand on his blaster and is ready to draw it at a moment’s notice. “I won’t let them have you again.”

All the sounds stop suddenly, making both Finn and Poe tense with anticipation.

“Poe, Finn; we know you’re in there and we mean you no harm,” a voice calls from the other side of the thicket; it’s entirely unfamiliar to both of them. “It’s Snap, and I have Rey and Chewbacca with me.” A growl accompanies the proclamation and Finn knows it can’t be the First Order because they would never employ a Wookiee, the sound of its cry familiar to Finn.

Poe looks at him nervously. “Who are you with?” he shouts toward in the direction this ‘Snap’s’ voice is coming from.

Finn can hear the audible sigh of relief that runs through the area. “I’m with the Resistance, you know that. Poe.”

They don’t know it though, but neither makes a move or any comment in that regard, waiting still with baited breath so see what the apparent Resistance members want. Finn can’t help but feel hope blooming in his chest; if it is the Resistance then they really did make it.

There’s a moment of quiet and then frenzied talking before another person speaks out, this one a girl. “Finn, Poe; it’s Rey. I can feel that you’re scared and I want you to know that we don’t mean you any harm, we’re here to get you somewhere safe.” She adds in a soothing tone.

They exchange a look at the sound of Rey’s voice; Finn feels such a spark of recognition at the name and voice, and he can see that Poe does too. Poe nods at Finn, grabbing his hand, and the two walk out together. Finn still has his blaster out but something tells him he won’t need it.

There is indeed a girl and a Wookiee standing not far away and at their side is a larger bearded man in an orange flight suit. They gasp when they take in the sight of Finn and Poe and the girl seems to barely be restraining herself from running forward. Instead she takes a step closer, holding her hands out to them. “It’s time to get you both home.”


	11. Poe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One year ago today I posted the first chapter of this fic on the tfa kink meme. It seems only right to put the final edited chapter up on the same day.
> 
> Thank you everyone who has been with me this entire time and as always thank you to my beta Zoe_Dameron who is just so wonderful and puts up with my random messages and wonky grammar errors <3

\---

_Is this my life?_   
_Ahhh_   
_Am I breathing underwater?_

\---

 

Poe opens his eyes to the sound of beeping machines and his first though is that either Ren or Hux has gone too far again in hurting him again. It isn’t the first time he’s woken up in the Finalizer’s medbay, though it’s unusual to wake up without feeling any pain.

It isn’t until he tries to move his hand and feels someone’s larger, warmer hand holding his own that things come rushing back. The hand holding his is familiar and Poe smiles because he knows that it can only belong to Finn. Turning his head, Poe looks over at where the other man is sleeping soundly at his bedside, head tilted back against the chair he’s sitting in, soft snores escaping him. Poe has never seen him look so peaceful.

“He hasn’t left your side since we got you both back here,” a new voice says, and Poe whips his head to his other side where an older woman is reading from a datapad, her gaze lifting to meet his with a soft smile. She looks vaguely familiar but Poe can’t remember who she is. “Of the two of you, he suffered the least amount of injuries. I shouldn’t be surprised. Every time you return to us miraculously from the dead you come back in bad shape.”

Seeming to sense his confusion at her words, the woman sets down her datapad and takes Poe’s other hand gently. “My name is Leia Organa and I am one of the leaders of the Resistance.” There’s a spark of memory there, and Poe gets a vague recollection of her staring up at him in exasperation, hands on her hips. It makes Poe’s heart hurt that he can’t remember her. “Finn told us that you both went through what he called ‘reconditioning’, and have no memory of anything from before you were taken from us. Just know that no matter what happens, you’ll be safe here. You’re home now.”

“T-thank you General.” It’s hard to talk; Poe’s throat is dry from lack of hydration and use.

The general holds up a glass of water with a straw in it for Poe to drink, and he does so gratefully. “Call me Leia, and don’t worry about anything right now. Your current job is to rest and get better. Anything else can come after.”

Poe realizes that he’s feeling sleepy again; it’s hard to keep his eyes open, especially when the G-, when Leia presses her now free hand to his brow and in a soothing voice tells him to sleep.

During the next few days Poe wakes up several times, but only for short periods. On the afternoon that Poe wakes up feeling not only refreshed but aware, he opens his eyes to the sight of Finn talking to the brown-haired girl who had come for them. At their feet sits an orange and white droid, one that causes Poe to feel elation at seeing without knowing why.

The sight of all three of them together pulls at something in Poe because this is important and it’s intimately familiar. Poe wants to remember, he wants to recall who the girl and the droid are but thinking about it too hard causes jolts of blinding pain in his head. It’s all Poe can do to hold back a moan at the agony of it.

“Poe? Poe what’s wrong?” Finn’s at his side suddenly and the droid is beeping shrilly in alarm. Poe’s eyes are closed now and he can’t find the strength to respond, it hurts too much.

“Finn, I need you to stand back,” a new voice says as Finn’s presence leaves his side. “Poe, I’m going to inject you with something for the pain.” There’s a sharp pain in his arm and then suddenly the pain is fading away in a cooling wave. “How does that feel?”

Poe swallows a few times before he can mange words. “B-better, thank you.”

There’s a cool hand on his brow that is too quickly removed. “You’re more than welcome. Now why don’t you open your eyes so I can check you over?”

When Poe does as he’s told, he sees a kind looking woman standing over him. “I’m Dr. Kalonia and I’ve been taking care of you while you’re a guest in my med center. How are you feeling?”

“Better, thank you.”

Dr. Kalonia smiles at him and pats his hand. “It’s what I’m here for, dear. Now if you don’t mind I’d like to give you a quick check-up. If everything is good then Finn, Rey, and BB-8 here are free to check you out.” At Poe’s acquiescent nod she calls over a droid and begins her check. After several minutes, she stops and nods in satisfaction. “It seems all your injuries are on the mend. If you feel any lingering pain you can take these painkillers, and if it gets worse come back and see me right away. Alright?”

Accepting the bottle of pills, Poe bobs his head in agreement. “Alright.”

“Good, now get along, I’m sure there’s a lot these three want to show you and talk about.”

Poe’s permitted to change into a pair of brown pants and a white shirt before he’s led out of the med center. He’s a little unnerved by the way the doctor spoke to him so casually, but Finn seems relaxed so Poe tries not to dwell too much on it. Instead he follows Finn, Rey, and BB-8 out of the med center and listens as Finn tells Poe about all the things he’s experienced.

“The food, Poe! The food is the best here! Just wait until you taste it,” Finn says excitedly.

Rey smiles kindly at Poe. “If you’re hungry we can go to the cafeteria first.” She’s a stranger to Poe but he finds himself relaxed and comfortable around her because she feels so familiar. It’s actually a lot like when he first started talking to Finn; there’s just something inside him that tells him to trust her.

Poe’s not particularly hungry but he can’t deny Finn’s eagerness. “I’d like that.” It’s easy to smile at Rey and the smile she sends back his way is like a ray of sunshine warming him from within.

In the cafeteria, Rey and Finn get Poe to sit while they go and get some food. “We want to surprise you with what we get,” Finn explains, pressing a kiss to Poe’s cheek before following Rey to where a line of people are gathered with trays. Poe’s never really thought about where food comes from; his had always been delivered by a droid or either Kylo or Hux.

BB-8 whistles inquisitively at Poe’s feet and Poe looks down at the little astromech. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand you,” Poe tells it, feeling a sense of failure at the realization. The admission causes BB-8 to whistle mournfully and Poe finds himself reaching out to place a comforting hand on its dome. “T-that doesn’t mean I can’t learn to?” It’s more of a question than anything but it seems to perk BB-8 up and it makes a purring sound as he nuzzles against Poe’s knee.

“Poe!” Someone calls out to him and suddenly there’s a dark-haired girl throwing herself at him in a tight hug. “It really is you! They told us you were in medbay but no one was allowed to see you and we didn’t know if you were okay or not! Snap could only tell us that he and Rey had picked you and Finn up and then as soon as he landed you were whisked off.”

Poe feels his chest tighten in panic as the hug continues. Behind her a group of people walk over all looking either teary-eyed or happy; from their dress they all look like they could be pilots. The only person he recognizes is the larger man, Snap; he’s the pilot who picked them up with Rey.

“Jess, you need to let go of Poe, he’s starting to panic.” Rey’s sweet voice cuts through the fog of fear that’s beginning to settle over Poe’s mind and thankfully the girl pulls away. “Finn, can you calm Poe down while I talk to the pilots?”

“It’s alright, Poe.” Finn’s arms are around him and Poe lets himself relax within them. He knows that Finn will keep him safe.

In the background, he can hear Rey telling the pilots about Poe and Finn’s condition; ‘amnesia’ she calls it. It’s a lot nicer than saying that they were reconditioned and had all their memories torn from them.

“It’s going to be hard at first but things will get better,” Finn promises. “I was scared at first too, but Rey and everyone are here to help us through this.” There’s a beep at their knees and Finn laughs fondly. “Yes, and you too BB.”

Poe doesn’t say anything, just concentrates on the feeling of Finn’s embrace and the way his chest rumbles as he whispers reassurances to Poe.

Eventually, Rey comes back without any of the pilots. “Sorry about Jess and the others. You’re their commander and so they wanted to see you as soon as possible. No one briefed them about what happened. I think Leia wanted to keep it ‘need to know’ until you were better. Chances are the entire base will know by the end of the day, so that will stop any more awkward situations.”

It’s not comforting, but Poe thanks her anyway and shifts so that he can sit up and against Finn more comfortably to see what food Finn and Rey brought over to the table. Now that he can smell the food his stomach is insisting that he’s hungrier than he originally thought. Focusing on food keeps him from having to think about the look on Jess’ face when she realized that he was afraid of her.

-

Two weeks later and things have begun to settle down. While neither Finn nor Poe have remembered much, they’ve begun to settle back into the Resistance, though their days are mostly spent recovering. Still, they’ve begun to make friends with the people around them and spent most of their time with Rey and BB-8.

Currently, Poe is curled up against Finn, with BB-8 sitting at his feet and Rey curled up against Finn’s other side watching a holo, when a knock sounds at their door and Leia comes in. “Poe, there’s someone here to see you.”

Entering the room behind Leia is an agonizingly familiar man, someone that has Poe’s heart speeding up and his breath ceasing in his chest. He knows this man; he can feel the memories of him standing behind Poe, of his large arms wrapped around him as Poe cries into his chest. They’re all so vague and Poe hates his inability to remember. He sees that it’s causing pain to this man the longer that he stares at Poe hopefully without Poe saying anything.

Hesitantly, the man speaks up. “Do you know who I am, Poe?” There’s so much desperation in his voice and Poe hates that he’s going to disappoint him, because it’s not his memories that make him draw the conclusion about who this man is, it’s wholly because of the similarities in their looks.

“You’re his father. . . or, I guess, my father.” Poe can’t help but think of Commander Poe Dameron as a separate person. It’s too hard to compare himself to the great man that so many people have told him about. They think the stories help but they don’t, they only make Poe feel worse because he isn’t the Commander.

The man, his father, nods eagerly. “Yes, I am! But if you don’t want to call me that you can call me. . .you can call me Kes.” The words seem to pain him and Poe wishes he could make that pain go away. “Um, if it’s alright, maybe we could talk alone?”

Poe’s far away and forgotten memories hint that this is wrong, Kes shouldn’t be speaking to him so meekly, like he’s trying to keep Poe from bolting away at a moment’s notice.

Poe hesitates but nods and extracts himself from Finn’s arms. “I’ll be back soon, Finn.”

He isn’t worried that Finn will get lonely; he’s got Rey and BB-8 to keep him company. Poe’s noticed how comfortable Finn is with them and with many of the other people on base and he wonders why he can’t seem to connect to them like Finn is. Other than Rey, they were apparently all Poe’s friends first. Maybe that’s why he’s having so much trouble. Aside from Finn, Rey, and BB-8, Poe doesn’t want to be around anyone. He spends most of his time in his and Finn’s shared room when he’s not in therapy or taking meals.

Kes leads the way out of the base into one of the gardens that decorates one side of the base. The flowers there bright and cheerful. ‘To keep people’s spirits up and to remind them of those who have been lost,’ Rey had told them the first time she’d brought them out to the garden. She’d avoided telling them about the smaller patch of orange and white flowers, but Poe had known who they were for without needing to ask.

“It’s good to see that you’re healthy. When Leia first contacted me she said you were in a medically induced coma in order to heal. She said the injuries were pretty bad, but non-life threatening, thankfully.” Kes says softly, stopping in front of Poe and Finn’s flowers.

“Dr Kalonia told me they kept me under because of the nature of my injuries; it was easier to heal them that way.” This is easy, Poe can talk about things that are common enough knowledge without worry; most people know that he’d been hurt, even though don’t know what he was used for on the Finalizer. Poe’s happy to keep it that way. He already gets enough pitying looks from those who had known the Commander, and he doesn’t want any more, or for people to suddenly be disgusted with him.

Looking a little lost, Kes looks up at the sky. “That’s good. . .”

There’s tense silence between them and Poe wonders what Kes thought he would see when he got here. Poe has Commander Dameron’s body but he isn’t Kes’s son come back from the dead.

“Leia told me some of what happened to you on the Finalizer.” Looking away, Kes hesitates before continuing. “Not just you and Finn finding each other again, or your escape, but what Kylo Ren and General Hux did to you.” An uneasy silence stretches out between them as Poe tries to think of something to say to that. Eventually, Kes speaks up again. “It made me sick to hear it; I couldn’t imagine that it happened to you.”

“Doesn’t what I am bother you?” Poe asks, feeling his calm façade starting to crack as he thinks about Kylo’s fingers in his hair, of Hux pulling Poe’s willing body into his arms.

Kes looks back over at Poe, his eyes shinning with tears. “Only because they hurt you, Poe.” The way Kes says his name causes Poe to freeze; he can’t say it that way, it hurts too much. “Poe? Are you okay?”

Poe can’t stand the way Kes looks at him, his gaze full of love and pain. Poe doesn’t deserve that. What does Kes want from him!? “Why doesn’t it bother you?” He asks, desperately feeling like he’s going to break.

Kes shakes his head at Poe. “You’re my son and I love you.”

The words undo Poe. “How can you say that so easily!? I’m not him! I’m not your son!” Poe shouts at Kes, he can feel the tears pouring down his face but he doesn’t try to wipe them away. “I’m just a concubine, the sexual plaything of two monsters.”

Kes’s face is a mask of pain as he steps toward Poe, reaching out hesitantly before stopping uncertainly. “Don’t say that Poe, you’re so much more than what they tried to make you.”

Poe shakes his head and tries to curl into himself. He just wants to disappear! “We both know that’s not true.” When Poe had saved Finn from death and they’d hatched their desperate escape plan Poe had thought the worst of their suffering would be over. He was wrong, so wrong. Ren and Hux could never hurt him as much as he was hurting now. “Your son is gone.”

“No, mijo.” Kes’s arms wrap around Poe, pulling him unresisting against Kes’s chest. “Even if you never remember your time before you were reconditioned, you will always be my son and I will always be your papa. Nothing will change that. We’ll just make new memories together.”

Shaking his head, Poe wails into Kes’s chest, mourning the life he lost and cracking under the memories of the life he’s lived over the last year.

-

Days later, Poe holds Finn’s hands tightly between his own as they meet with Master Luke for the first time. Leia and Rey are in attendance; Poe’s father is currently entertaining BB-8 to keep the little droid occupied. Ever since Poe’s return the little droid hadn’t left Poe’s side and everyone thought it best to keep them from having to worry. Kes had offered to take BB-8 out and have them show him around base during the meeting. Despite what Kes had told him earlier, Poe suspects that Kes doesn’t want to be here because he’s afraid Master Luke well tell them that there is no way to retrieve Finn and Poe’s lost memories.

“I can’t promise that this will be a comfortable procedure or that it will work,” Master Luke tells them gravely. “But if you’re both willing then I can’t deny attempting to go in and see if I can’t restore your memories.”

Poe can feel Finn’s hand shaking in his own and gives it a squeeze of comfort, his focus not turning away from Master Luke. “If we are willing, when can you start?”

Master Luke looks startled at the question; does he think that Poe should be afraid of the Force? Ren has been inside his head so many times that Poe barely even bats an eye at the sense that someone around him is using the Force.

“I won’t need to make any preparations, so we can start when either of you are ready,” Master Luke replies after a moment of thought.

“So, you can do it right now?”

That takes everyone gathered aback, especially Finn, who turns Poe to look at him. “Poe, that’s crazy. We need to at least think this over.”

Poe shakes his head, offering Finn a comforting smile. “I have thought about it and I’ve decided that I want to try whatever I can to get my memories back. I want to remember my father, BB-8, Rey, Leia, and Master Luke. I need to be able to know who I was so that I can fly with Snap, Jess, Iolo, Karé, and all the members of my squadron. Most of all Finn, I want to be able to look at you and know the love we shared before. I want to see and experience the love that was so strong it freed us from what had been done to us.”

“I know it’s scary, I’m not going to say I’m not frightened.” Poe’s attention is focused solely on Finn, and he forgets everyone else in the room. “But for me it’s more terrifying to not even try because that means we’re to let Ren and Hux win.”

Finn shakes his head and Poe can see tears in his eyes. “What if it all goes wrong?”

“Then I’ll be content in the knowledge that at least you’re safe and unharmed because you won’t be undergoing it.” Poe wants to lean forward and kiss Finn, to stop the trembling of his lips and chase away the those tears.

Before Finn can protest further, Master Luke speaks up. “Are you sure about this, Poe? I can’t guarantee the results will be favourable.”

Poe nods. He’s surer than he’s ever been about anything before. The only thing that he has ever been more sure of was realizing his love for Finn. “Yes, sir.”

“Alright.” Master Luke stands up, walking over to him. “I want you to turn to me, close your eyes, and relax.”

Offering Finn one last comforting look, Poe turns to Master Luke and does as he’s told. He feels Master Luke’s hands go to the side of his head and then the man is pushing into his mind to search for everything that has ever made Poe, Poe.

With a flash, Poe’s world explodes.

\---

_Am I breathing underwater?_   
_Am I breathing underwater?_

_\---_


End file.
